Competitiveness is generally considered a good quality for people to have in society. Do you think it is a positive development or negative trend ? How does competitiveness affect individuals?

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Competition
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in current
time
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times
show examples
has become a main issue not only
in
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on
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a
locally
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local
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scale but
also
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in a
globally
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global
show examples
context
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.
This
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topic seems to bring a positive
development
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rather than
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
negative one.
Likewise
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,
people
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in a society in which they compete over something will likely
has
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have
show examples
vast
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a vast
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amount of good opportunity owing to personal
development
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.
According to
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context
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the context
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of
competition
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scope, the antecedent theories of
competition
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bring
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brought
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from
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by
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globally renowned economist, Adam Smith,
is
Verb problem
objected
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objected-heavily
Correct your spelling
heavily
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on
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to
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comparative advantages.
This
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term means every single
entities
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entity
show examples
in the world has
own
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its own
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it
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apply
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special characteristics and or resources.
Thus
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, it makes
they
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them
show examples
able to compete with others. To elucidate
this
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opinion,
in
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on
show examples
a
miniscule
Correct your spelling
minuscule
scale,
people
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has
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have
show examples
innate
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an innate
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trait
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traits
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that
bring
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brings
show examples
special abilities,
such
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as
an
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apply
show examples
astute
skill
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skills
show examples
.
This
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skill
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act
Correct subject-verb agreement
acts
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like a weapon for the
people
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to enhance their
bargain
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bargaining
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power,
such
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as to negotiate a salary in a job. In
global
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the global
a global
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context
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,
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similarily
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similarly
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,
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this
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these
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resources
act
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like
ability
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an ability
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that
allow
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allows
show examples
the countries to offer
a
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apply
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stuff that may impossible
produce
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to produce
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effectively in
another countries
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another country
other countries
show examples
.
For example
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, Indonesia has strong advantages
on
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in
show examples
it
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its
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tropical climate that
permit
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permits
show examples
them
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it
show examples
to produce several exotic woods, by which
they
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it
show examples
can sell to
another countries
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another country
other countries
show examples
which does not
has
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have
show examples
this
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kind of
lucre
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luxury
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.
Therefore
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, the
competition
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is truly a positive
development
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to ignite
a
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apply
show examples
personal
development
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albeit it has several bad attributes,
such
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as discord potentials. By
dechipering
Correct your spelling
deciphering
the
competition
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term, it can be easily derivated to the
fathomness
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fathomless
on individual effect. Both
of
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apply
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small
or
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and
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big
context
Use synonyms
involves the role of individuals.
People
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need to identify their abilities that bring advantages to win a
competition
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.
For instance
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, students
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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join
Verb problem
take
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a university entrance exam need to understand their mastery
subjects
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of subjects
show examples
.
This
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act
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will enhance the possibility of the student to be admitted
in
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to
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their
desire
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desired
show examples
universities.
Furthermore
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, in
more
Add an article
a more
the more
show examples
global
context
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, the
policy maker
Correct your spelling
policymaker
show examples
individual
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apply
show examples
need
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needs
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
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scrutiny to decide whether the
act
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that
may
Verb problem
apply
show examples
they take will bring the country to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
victory or not.
This
Linking Words
indirect effect will lead
people
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to be more critical and may reap
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
To conclude
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,
competition
Use synonyms
is
indeniable
Correct your spelling
undeniable
in
this
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globalization era and
engulf
Correct subject-verb agreement
engulfs
show examples
entire
Add an article
the entire
show examples
world. Yet, it can lure an opportunity to an individual without any exceptions.
People
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cannot withhold their self from
this
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phenomenon. They need to engage and embrace it by which they can develop
them n self
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Throughout the essay, while there is an attempt to create a coherent argument, the writing would benefit from a clearer and more systematic organisation of ideas. Transition words and paragraphs should smoothly lead the reader through the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present; however, they could be more effectively framed to introduce the topic and summarise the argument clearly.
coherence cohesion
The main points are present and are an attempt to support the argument. Nevertheless, developing these points with more precise examples and more in-depth explanations will help strengthen the coherence of the text.
task achievement
A clear argument is developed, but the response could be further expanded by examining both sides of the issue to give a balanced view and providing a more detailed explanation of how competitiveness affects individuals.
task achievement
While the essay provides some understanding of the topic, the response would benefit from clearer, more comprehensive ideas. Strive for clarity in conveying your points and avoid overly complex sentences that can confuse the reader.
task achievement
Relevant examples are attempted but remain vague. Include specific, concrete examples to illustrate points made, these could make the argument more persuasive and substantiate the claims.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • strive for excellence
  • innovation
  • progress
  • harmful stress
  • anxiety
  • collaboration
  • teamwork
  • self-confidence
  • resilience
  • cutthroat culture
  • growth mindset
  • undue pressure
  • fear of failure
  • merit-based
  • social inequalities
  • globalization
  • trade wars
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