Competitiveness is generally considered a good quality for people to have in society. Do you think it is a positive development or negative trend ? How does competitiveness affect individuals?

Competition
in current
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
has become a main issue not only
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
a
locally
Change the adverb
local
show examples
scale but
also
in a
globally
Change the adverb
global
show examples
context
.
This
topic seems to bring a positive
development
rather than
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
negative one.
Likewise
,
people
in a society in which they compete over something will likely
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
vast
Add an article
a vast
show examples
amount of good opportunity owing to personal
development
.
According to
context
Add an article
the context
show examples
of
competition
scope, the antecedent theories of
competition
bring
Wrong verb form
brought
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
globally renowned economist, Adam Smith,
is
Verb problem
objected
show examples
objected-heavily
Correct your spelling
heavily
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
comparative advantages.
This
term means every single
entities
Change to a singular noun
entity
show examples
in the world has
own
Correct pronoun usage
its own
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
special characteristics and or resources.
Thus
, it makes
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
able to compete with others. To elucidate
this
opinion,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
a
miniscule
Correct your spelling
minuscule
scale,
people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
innate
Add an article
an innate
show examples
trait
Fix the agreement mistake
traits
show examples
that
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
special abilities,
such
as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
astute
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
This
skill
act
Correct subject-verb agreement
acts
show examples
like a weapon for the
people
to enhance their
bargain
Replace the word
bargaining
show examples
power,
such
as to negotiate a salary in a job. In
global
Add an article
the global
a global
show examples
context
,
similarily
Correct your spelling
similarly
show examples
,
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
resources
act
like
ability
Correct article usage
an ability
show examples
that
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
the countries to offer
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stuff that may impossible
produce
Fix the infinitive
to produce
show examples
effectively in
another countries
Replace the adjective
another country
other countries
show examples
.
For example
, Indonesia has strong advantages
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
tropical climate that
permit
Correct subject-verb agreement
permits
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
to produce several exotic woods, by which
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
can sell to
another countries
Replace the adjective
another country
other countries
show examples
which does not
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
this
kind of
lucre
Correct your spelling
luxury
show examples
.
Therefore
, the
competition
is truly a positive
development
to ignite
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal
development
albeit it has several bad attributes,
such
as discord potentials. By
dechipering
Correct your spelling
deciphering
the
competition
term, it can be easily derivated to the
fathomness
Correct your spelling
fathomless
on individual effect. Both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
small
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
big
context
involves the role of individuals.
People
need to identify their abilities that bring advantages to win a
competition
.
For instance
, students
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
join
Verb problem
take
show examples
a university entrance exam need to understand their mastery
subjects
Change preposition
of subjects
show examples
.
This
act
will enhance the possibility of the student to be admitted
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
their
desire
Replace the word
desired
show examples
universities.
Furthermore
, in
more
Add an article
a more
the more
show examples
global
context
, the
policy maker
Correct your spelling
policymaker
show examples
individual
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
scrutiny to decide whether the
act
that
may
Verb problem
apply
show examples
they take will bring the country to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
victory or not.
This
indirect effect will lead
people
to be more critical and may reap
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
To conclude
,
competition
is
indeniable
Correct your spelling
undeniable
in
this
globalization era and
engulf
Correct subject-verb agreement
engulfs
show examples
entire
Add an article
the entire
show examples
world. Yet, it can lure an opportunity to an individual without any exceptions.
People
cannot withhold their self from
this
phenomenon. They need to engage and embrace it by which they can develop
them n self
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Throughout the essay, while there is an attempt to create a coherent argument, the writing would benefit from a clearer and more systematic organisation of ideas. Transition words and paragraphs should smoothly lead the reader through the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present; however, they could be more effectively framed to introduce the topic and summarise the argument clearly.
coherence cohesion
The main points are present and are an attempt to support the argument. Nevertheless, developing these points with more precise examples and more in-depth explanations will help strengthen the coherence of the text.
task achievement
A clear argument is developed, but the response could be further expanded by examining both sides of the issue to give a balanced view and providing a more detailed explanation of how competitiveness affects individuals.
task achievement
While the essay provides some understanding of the topic, the response would benefit from clearer, more comprehensive ideas. Strive for clarity in conveying your points and avoid overly complex sentences that can confuse the reader.
task achievement
Relevant examples are attempted but remain vague. Include specific, concrete examples to illustrate points made, these could make the argument more persuasive and substantiate the claims.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • strive for excellence
  • innovation
  • progress
  • harmful stress
  • anxiety
  • collaboration
  • teamwork
  • self-confidence
  • resilience
  • cutthroat culture
  • growth mindset
  • undue pressure
  • fear of failure
  • merit-based
  • social inequalities
  • globalization
  • trade wars
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