IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Transport delays and long journey times are a widespread phenomenon in many cities today. What are the causes of this problem, and how could be the situation be improved?

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Transport has been becoming a part of people's lives since it is helpful.
However
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, some transit always takes a long time to arrive at a station. It can be caused by problems and it can be solved.
To begin
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 with, in a modern city where it is full of people generally has too much traffic. It causes a problem where public transport
such
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 as a
bus
Use synonyms
 is difficult to get into a station.
Furthermore
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, a
bus
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 usually takes 3-5 minutes to arrive, but congestion will
break
Verb problem
make
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this
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 estimation
to be
Verb problem
apply
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longer.
For example
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, in Jakarta, there is a television to give information about the
prediction
Replace the word
predicted
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 time when the
bus
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 will arrive. But, because of the congestion, a
bus
Use synonyms
 will take a longer time than usual to pick up customers, especially
At the end
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 of working hours , particularly from 5PM to 6PM, when the road will be overcrowding. Regarding solutions, private
transportation
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such
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 as cars needs to get a higher tax to encourage the public to choose a way to go home as their primary
transportation
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, in 2010, governments in Germany decided to set a rule where taxation for cars would get higher. Because of
this
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, the majority of people choose to use public transport, and there is less congestion. Another solution may be to create roads for public
transportation
Use synonyms
, so there would not be very crowded on a one-way road. In conclusion, too much
transportation
Use synonyms
 on roads is a main problem. But, there are some innovations to overcome
this
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 problem that can be started by encouraging society.

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task achievement
Ensure to fully address all parts of the task. While the essay mentions causes and solutions, it would benefit from a more in-depth discussion and analysis of the problem's reasons and more varied solution proposals.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your ideas comprehensively. The essay could improve by expanding on the concepts presented, ensuring each point is fully explained and supported with substantial detail.
task achievement
Include more relevant, specific examples. The single example provided is a good start, but adding diverse instances from various contexts can add depth to your argument and enhance task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. While the essay has a recognisable structure, transitions between ideas could be smoother and paragraphing can be used more effectively to separate points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that both the introduction and conclusion are present, clear, and reflect the essay's content. While both are present in your essay, they can be refined to more clearly introduce and summarise the main points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each main point is developed with clear supporting details. At times, the points in the essay lack robust support, which is required for better coherence and cohesion.
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