IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some parents and
teachers
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 believe that competition for
children
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 at
school
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 needs to be supported,
while
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 others prefer that the co-operating method at
school
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 will have a greater impact on
children
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's future.
This
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 essay agrees that co-operate will be more essential than competition;
however
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,
this
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 essay will cover both sides. On one hand,
children
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 learn to take collaborative acts from
school
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 as they tend to socialize and make friends from there. When
teachers
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 approach
co-operative
Correct your spelling
cooperative
show examples
 learning methods,
children
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 as students will be determined to make a bigger impact not only on their rank and
grades
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 but
also
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 by collaboration and encouragement to do bigger things
together with
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 their classmates or extracurricular teams at
school
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.
For example
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:
student
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a student
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 in elementary
grades
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 can bravely promote hand-wash campaigns around
school
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 collaboration with young health organizations as supported by their
teachers
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.
On the other hand
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, when
teachers
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 take a competitive learning method at
school
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, students tend to be more ambitious with their
grades
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. It
also
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 continues at their home, where parents will push their
children
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 to take other study tutors to boost their
grades
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 and rank in every subject. It can be hard for
children
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 to explore their interests and preferences because they just focus and spend the majority of their time on academic things.
For example
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,
children
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 who love to play
piano
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the piano
show examples
 will decrease their practice time
due to
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 academic tutoring most of the day. In conclusion, the learning methods at
school
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 will impact
children
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 in their lives and
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 from each co-operate or competitive ways.
However
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, as long as we keep the competitive and co-operate portion balance in
school
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 and home, the good sides are undeniably
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear and distinct central idea that is fully elaborated. At times, the essay lacks clear transitions and logical sequence of ideas which affects the logical structure. Try to use a range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the task. The essay needs to have a more developed argument, with a clear position throughout the response. Both sides of the argument were covered, however, they were not equally developed and the examples given were not entirely convincing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • competition
  • motivational
  • resilience
  • cooperation
  • teamwork
  • empathy
  • inclusive
  • collective success
  • fosters
  • determination
  • real-world challenges
  • innovation
  • unhealthy pressure
  • win-at-all-costs mentality
  • social and emotional development
  • communication
  • group problem-solving
  • stress
  • different abilities
  • learning styles
  • balance
  • values
  • competitive spirit
  • collaboration
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