Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some parents and
teachers
believe that competition for
children
at
school
needs to be supported,
while
others prefer that the co-operating method at
school
will have a greater impact on
children
's future.
This
essay agrees that co-operate will be more essential than competition;
however
,
this
essay will cover both sides. On one hand,
children
learn to take collaborative acts from
school
as they tend to socialize and make friends from there. When
teachers
approach
co-operative
Correct your spelling
cooperative
show examples
learning methods,
children
as students will be determined to make a bigger impact not only on their rank and
grades
but
also
by collaboration and encouragement to do bigger things
together with
their classmates or extracurricular teams at
school
.
For example
:
student
Add an article
a student
show examples
in elementary
grades
can bravely promote hand-wash campaigns around
school
collaboration with young health organizations as supported by their
teachers
.
On the other hand
, when
teachers
take a competitive learning method at
school
, students tend to be more ambitious with their
grades
. It
also
continues at their home, where parents will push their
children
to take other study tutors to boost their
grades
and rank in every subject. It can be hard for
children
to explore their interests and preferences because they just focus and spend the majority of their time on academic things.
For example
,
children
who love to play
piano
Change the article
the piano
show examples
will decrease their practice time
due to
academic tutoring most of the day. In conclusion, the learning methods at
school
will impact
children
in their lives and
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
from each co-operate or competitive ways.
However
, as long as we keep the competitive and co-operate portion balance in
school
and home, the good sides are undeniably
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear and distinct central idea that is fully elaborated. At times, the essay lacks clear transitions and logical sequence of ideas which affects the logical structure. Try to use a range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the task. The essay needs to have a more developed argument, with a clear position throughout the response. Both sides of the argument were covered, however, they were not equally developed and the examples given were not entirely convincing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • competition
  • motivational
  • resilience
  • cooperation
  • teamwork
  • empathy
  • inclusive
  • collective success
  • fosters
  • determination
  • real-world challenges
  • innovation
  • unhealthy pressure
  • win-at-all-costs mentality
  • social and emotional development
  • communication
  • group problem-solving
  • stress
  • different abilities
  • learning styles
  • balance
  • values
  • competitive spirit
  • collaboration
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