IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people believe that competitive sports have a positive impact on individuals and society. However, others argue that competitive sports can have negative consequences. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Competitive
sports
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 are a common thing in our
society
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. It can be organised by an individual or
people
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 in
society
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 for entertainment. well, in
this
Linking Words
 case, I agree that competitive
sports
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 have a positive impact on individuals and
society
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.
Therefore
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, I would agree that it exerts a greater negative influence on individuals and
society
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.
To begin
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 with, it has a positive impact on
people
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 by helping them with their communication skills and making them socialised. If a person participates in a sport, he gets to meet different types of
people
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 there.
For instance
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, we all live in a
society
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 but do not know everyone who belongs to our
society
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.
Sports
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 can be a great medium to meet new
people
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. If
sports
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 are organised in a
society
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 , we join in
this
Linking Words
 event and get to talk with the other contestants. Taking part in
sports
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 helps to improve our communication skills as well. Spending
time
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 together for a long
time
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, experiencing the same things and sharing moments brings unity.
secondly
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, competitive
sports
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 fall under the negative side.
People
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 who take part in a competitive
sports
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 competition may have injuries
while
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 playing.
For example
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, If anyone is determined to win, he loses common sense for a
while
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. He gives his best shot to be the winner and that may cause an accident
due to
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 his inability to make the right decision at that
time
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.
on the other hand
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, competition ignites jealousy in a person. The ambition of getting the prize and popularity can destroy
one
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's sense of humour. The hatred spreads in a group of
people
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, they end up harming the other
one
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.
For Example
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, most of the
time
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 we see in
Correct article usage
a
show examples
race competition,
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one
Correct pronoun usage
that one
show examples
 player kicks out another
one
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 intentionally,and
as a result
Linking Words
, it leads to an accident.
To conclude
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, Competitive
sports
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 are a great example of Socialism. It has some positive impacts on
people
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 but I think there are more negative consequences than other ones exploring the reasons I have discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay.

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction lacks a clear thesis statement, which should explicitly state the intention to discuss both views and your opinion. Including a clear thesis would enhance the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You should ensure each paragraph contains one clear main idea, and that they follow logically from one to the next to create a coherent argument that flows well. This includes using a variety of linking words and phrases to show connections between ideas.
coherence cohesion
While supporting examples are present, they need to be more directly tied to the points you are making to ensure they clearly support your argument. Each example should directly relate to the point it's intended to support.
task achievement
Your essay partially responds to the task. However, you must ensure that you cover both sides of the argument comprehensively, respecting the balance that the question demands. Additionally, your own opinion should be clear throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion.
task achievement
Your ideas should be developed more fully to be comprehensive and clear. This includes enhancing each point with more detailed reasoning and examples.
task achievement
Make sure that your examples are specific, clear, and relevant to the topic. Relate each example directly back to the topic to ensure relevance.
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