In many countries people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples form your own knowledge or experience.
In recent years,
people
have started living a
longer Correct article usage
apply
life
around the globe than previously. Replace the word
lives
Due to
this
, some groups state that there are challenges and issues faced due to
the aged group population, and the other group say there are benefits for society
if they have more elderly people
. We will discuss both the pros and cons of the
aged Correct article usage
apply
people
along with
the
supporting examples in the below essay.
The major concern for the government is to take Correct article usage
apply
care
of the old age people
in society
. In this
current situation of the family culture, people
started living nuclear
family lifestyle, Correct article usage
a nuclear
due to
which once their children grow, they leave their parents alone and there is no one to take care
of them. This
gives more burden and create
a concern for the government to take Change the verb form
creates
care
of them and provide the pension amount and medical care
for their survival, due to
this
the government allocate more funds to take care
of them. If the respective family members take care
of the old people
the problem can be reduced.
There are advantages to the retired people
in the society
, and it is better to have more aged in our country for our development of the cities and countries. For example
, this
younger generation has more energy and enthusiasm to strive in life, if they have proper guidance from retired people
they can gain more knowledge with their own stream, and not only this
, they can get the easy references from the previous historical event that helps to build a more easy way to develop in more advance way. Also
, their work experience will teach us to face the challenge in the future of work in advance.
In conclusion, though we have more concern about taking care
of the aged people
those who are left by their family members but
there are more advantages to having experienced retired Remove the conjunction
apply
people
in our society
to develop the countries in the
more advanced way with their previous knowledge. So the the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages.Correct article usage
a
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coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a clear logical structure throughout the essay. Your essay should present ideas in a more organized manner, ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This helps the reader follow your arguments and enhances the overall clarity of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should offer a clear overview of your essay. While your essay does include an introduction and a conclusion, they could be strengthened by directly addressing the essay prompt and summarizing the main points more succinctly and effectively.
coherence cohesion
Develop and support each main point with detailed explanations and specific examples. Your essay touches on several ideas, but they need to be fleshed out more thoroughly with examples that are directly relevant to the essay question. Aim to illustrate each point with clear examples or evidence to persuade the reader of their validity.
task achievement
Ensure that your response fully covers all parts of the task. Address all aspects of the prompt, making sure your response is well-rounded and complete. Your essay should include a balanced discussion of both the advantages and disadvantages, as well as a clear personal response indicating the extent to which you believe one outweighs the other.
task achievement
Your ideas should be clear and comprehensive. Work on expressing your points with greater clarity. The task requires that the reader should be left with a strong understanding of your stance and the reasoning behind it, but some of your ideas appear to be underdeveloped or too general. Offer more detailed explanations and ensure your ideas are elucidated thoroughly.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. The examples you provided are a bit vague and do not strongly support the discussion about the impact of an ageing population. Tailor your examples to directly support your arguments, and provide more concrete evidence or scenarios to illustrate the points you are trying to make.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.