In some countries, only few young people go to classical music concerts or or play classical music. Why? Should young people be encouraged to attend and learn more?
in some nations, only
the
limited number of young Correct article usage
a
people
who attending to classical music
concert
or Fix the agreement mistake
concerts
playing
classical Wrong verb form
play
instrument
. I think it happen because the Fix the agreement mistake
instruments
promotion
of modern music
is more attractive than classical and young people
believe that playing classical music
will make them feel bored. in this
essay
I declare that they need to be encouraged so that they can come and study Add a comma
essay,
about
classical Change preposition
apply
music
.
promotion
becomes crucial
thing to spread Add an article
a crucial
of
the popularity of Change preposition
apply
the
classical Correct article usage
apply
music
, and it leads to decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
youth
desire Change preposition
in youth
to
that. there are many technologies which can be used for Change preposition
for
promoting
. using social media for Replace the word
promotion
promotion
is one of the best option
. Change to a plural noun
options
for instance
, young people
can be offered a scholarship for studying classical music
but it is promoted by using a short vidio
and Correct your spelling
video
uploded
on social media. Correct your spelling
uploaded
by
doing Change preposition
apply
this
, it
can help young Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
to
get good information Verb problem
apply
from
Change preposition
apply
that
.
playing classical Correct pronoun usage
apply
instrument
for young Fix the agreement mistake
instruments
people
make
them feel that they look like life in Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
stone
era. the tone whose tempo is too slow, Add an article
the stone
make
the youth Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
are
uncomfortable. the melody of classical Unnecessary verb
apply
music
is soft and it is different from young
Correct pronoun usage
what young
people
feel who
used to Verb problem
are
hear
Wrong verb form
hearing
in
Change preposition
at
fast
tempo. Add an article
a fast
for example
, Canon D as
a part of classical Correct your spelling
is
music
and it's compared with rock music
as modern music
which have
many variations in bit, it will have a long gap. so that's why young Change the verb form
has
people
feel that they are bored. it can be solved if there is a combination between classical and modern music
. by
combining both, Capitalize word
By
young
generation will enjoy the instruments.
in conclusion, there are many ways to make young Add an article
the young
pople
feel enjoy so they will attend the concert and play classical Correct your spelling
people
music
. by
giving them a good Capitalize word
By
promotion
, it will make them understand a lot about the kind and compsition
of Correct your spelling
competition
the
Correct article usage
apply
music
. combining the
both of melody Correct article usage
apply
also
will give
youth Wrong verb form
gives
more
complex bit and Correct article usage
a more
make
them Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
intens
Correct your spelling
intent
intense
intend
to hear
the Change preposition
in hearing
music
.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and coherent structure. It is vital to organise your ideas into clear, logical paragraphs. A typical structure includes an introduction that paraphrases the task, at least two body paragraphs that introduce a singular main idea each and then develop that idea, and a conclusion that summarises the arguments made.
coherence cohesion
It is important to ensure you have a clear introduction and conclusion. Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be more clearly defined and impactful. The introduction should clearly state the purpose of the essay and your conclusion should summarise your main points.
coherence cohesion
You should support your main points with specific details and examples. There appears to be an attempt to provide examples, but they are not fully developed or particularly relevant to the point. Further, some of your arguments are repetitive instead of supportive to your main point.
task achievement
While the essay responds to the task, the response lacks depth and development. Make sure that each paragraph conveys a clear idea and that your essay presents a nuanced discussion of the topic.
task achievement
Your ideas need to be expressed more clearly and developed comprehensively. There are some good attempts at explanation, but the ideas are not always expressed in a way that is easy to follow. Providing more in-depth explanations and clear argumentation will improve your score.
task achievement
The use of specific, relevant examples is critical in supporting your arguments. Make sure to include detailed and pertinent examples to illustrate your points more effectively. The examples provided were not fully explored or effectively linked to your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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