IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many modern societies, grandchildren rarely spend any quality time with their grandchildren. What do you think are the consequences of this?

#societies #grandchildren #quality #time #consequences
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At present, many young people in developing countries tend not to spend much
time
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 with their
grandparents
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.
As a result
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, teenagers are facing many serious problems in their lives.Of course,
this
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 has its consequences, which will be discussed in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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, without living with
grandparents
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 they lose the opportunity to learn more about traditions and customs
As a result
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 ,
this
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 leads to the loss of their culture.
Secondly
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, the youngest person is crazy about technology.There are a lot of interesting games.
Accordingly
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, children are connecting.As for the additional downsides many young people are leaving to study abroad and they are just busy studying.
Therefore
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,
grandparents
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 have little contact with their older generation.
In addition
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, young people spend more
time
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 in discos, pubs and bars than spending
time
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 with their loved ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
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. When it comes to its consequences, many teenagers become unkind and rude.Because teenagers do not spend much
time
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 with their
grandparents
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.
Therefore
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, they end up spending no valuable
time
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 doing unnecessary things.
Besides
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this
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 can
also
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 cause bad behaviour among the young.Another possible problem is that young generations may know less about self-awareness.
Due to
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 the gulf of age, there is essentially a barrier to communication between grandchildren and their
grandparents
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.
To sum up
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 , nowadays parents are busy and living far from their loved ones which is the major reason that grandchildren get less quality
time
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 with their
grandparents
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, which could lead them to lose their family values and culture in future .
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay shows some organization, but the logical structure can be significantly improved by better connecting your ideas and ensuring your paragraphs flow naturally from one to the next. Work on transitions and linking words.
coherence cohesion
You have attempted to introduce and conclude your essay, but these parts are not fully developed. Effective introductions should clearly state the topic and your position, while conclusions should summarize key points and restate your stance.
coherence cohesion
Main points are somewhat supported with explanations or examples, yet they lack depth. Enhance your essay by providing more detailed examples and exploring the implications of your points.
task achievement
Your response addresses the task, but you must ensure that you fully answer all parts of the prompt. Expand on your ideas to give a more complete response.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear but could be expressed more comprehensively. Strive for a deeper exploration of your thoughts to enhance clarity and provide a greater understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Examples included are relevant but too general. Strengthen your essay by incorporating specific examples that vividly illustrate your points and demonstrate your argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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