IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Things like puzzles, board games and pictures can contribute to a child’s development. What would you give a child to help him/her develop and why? Give details and examples in your explanation.

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Brain stimulating
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Brain-stimulating
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activities
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 are an essential part of
children
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’s progress. In the past,
activities
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such
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 as puzzles, board games and pictures are the most popular
activities
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 for young ones to develop their skills. Nowadays, technologies have made a huge impact on kids as they grow old.
Nevertheless
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, I believe that giving
children
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 the freedom to experience things on their own will help them improve mentally and physically. I believe that
children
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 are like seeds that
needs
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need
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 to be watered so that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 will grow and bloom.
Firstly
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, through
varieties
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a variety
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 of sports, we help our young
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 to control their emotions and think outside the box. If
children
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 are involved with game events, they
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 be able to experience the feeling of winning and losing. Through losing they would learn how to manage their emotion and think smartly next time to overcome their weak points.
For instance
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, a kid who
lose
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loses
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 a race twice or thrice would most likely not cry, but it will try to practice harder to be on top of the next race.
Moreover
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, through physical
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activities
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activities,
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 we help the
children
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 to enhance their health physically
instead
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 of allowing them to just watch or play games using gadgets. In my observation, certain kids who
engages
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engage
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 with their phones frequently
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 to wear glasses and some become overweight which causes detrimental
effect
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effects
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 on them
due to
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of any physical
activities
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.
Thus
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, parents or guardians should be mindful of their
children
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’s
habit
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habits
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 to help prevent any unwanted circumstances that can harm the little ones.
To conclude
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,
children
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’s upbringing is crucial as they need guidance to grow so we should give stimulating
activities
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 to enhance their thinking and emotional ability
as well as
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 their social skills and physical health.

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logical structure
To improve the structure of your essay, clearly state your main points in the introduction and make sure to use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are distinct and summarize your stance and main arguments. The conclusion should be a closure without introducing new information.
supported main points
Develop your main points with more detailed arguments and examples. Each paragraph should clearly support your overall viewpoint.
complete response
Address the task directly by including a statement about what you would give a child to help them develop. Expand on this by explaining why your choice is beneficial.
clear comprehensive ideas
Aim to provide more thorough explanations and intricate details within your ideas. Make sure they collectively build upon the central topic of child development.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate specific, relevant examples to support your ideas. These should clearly illustrate the points you are making and relate directly back to the question.
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