Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Over the past several years, few social media platforms have gained an increasing amount of popularity among the
people
. A lot of people
have an opinion that these networking sites
are a bane to the
Correct article usage
apply
society
as well as
for
Change preposition
to
an
Correct article usage
apply
individual
. Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
This
essay will discuss the ill effects that are caused by such
sites
in the modern era.
An astonishingly increasing number adolescents
are getting addicted to networking platforms Change preposition
of adolescents
such
as Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat
, which Correct word choice
and Snapchat
consumes
a massive amount of their time. Correct subject-verb agreement
consume
This
results in fever time to spend with family as well as
causes mental stress on an individual. Therefore
, eventually reducing the connections or the bond shared among our loved ones. The above stated
platforms Add a hyphen
above-stated
also
give a fake impression of the world. Several people
try to showcase their “fancy” life
online in order to impress their counterparts. Replace the word
lives
This
however
, might have a negative effect Add the comma(s)
, however
others
as they start to think less of themselves.
Change preposition
on others
On the other hand
, the negative effects on the
Correct article usage
apply
society
is
no less than the effects on an individual. Facebook and WhatsApp are frequently used to spread hate crimes against a certain group of Change the verb form
are
people
, such
as people
belonging to a particular caste or religion. Spreading unnecessary hate online results in disharmony in the
Correct article usage
apply
society
among different religious people
. Lastly
, the above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
sites
could also
be used to spread propaganda against an organization. A lot of popular influential personalities/journalists can be used by someone higher in rank to spread misleading information about an honest organization, which could potentially ruin their reputation forever.
To conclude
, I believe that networking sites
have a negative influence on an individual on a personal level and that they are a menace to the
Correct article usage
apply
society
, and we should try to avoid them as far as we can.Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Paragraphs should follow a coherent order, and ideas should be linked both within and between paragraphs. It is evident that some points lack clear transitions and signposts.
coherence cohesion
Include both an introduction and a conclusion to frame your essay effectively. While your essay has the necessary components, they could be further refined to better indicate your thesis statement and summarise your main points.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with well-developed examples or evidence. While you have attempted to include supporting details, they could be more specific and relevant to strengthen your arguments. Avoid overly general statements.
task achievement
Ensure you respond to all parts of the task thoroughly. You have covered the main topic well, but you could expand on why some people might believe social networking sites have benefits, to provide a more balanced view.
task achievement
Aim for clarity in expressing your ideas without oversimplifying. More nuanced language and complex sentence structures can help to convey your points more comprehensively. Refrain from making sweeping generalizations without sufficient evidence.
task achievement
Use relevant examples to support your ideas and make them more persuasive. While examples are provided, they are somewhat generic and could be more specific to have a stronger impact on the reader. Reference to real-world events or studies would make your argument more concrete.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?