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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the availability of various sweeteners in the USA from 1966 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the availability of various sweeteners in the USA from 1966 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The chart depicts the U.S. sweetener availability in
pounds
Use synonyms
 per
person
Use synonyms
 -dry-weight form- throughout a 46-year period.
Overall
Linking Words
, the total
number
Use synonyms
 of
sweetener
Fix the agreement mistake
sweeteners
show examples
 witnessed a
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 increase,
Linking Words
similarly
Change the word
similar
show examples
 to corn
sweeteners
Use synonyms
 which rose steeply over the period given.
While
Linking Words
 refined cane and beet sugars
number
Use synonyms
 decreased constantly, honey and edible syrups, the least
availability
Replace the word
available
show examples
, exhibited
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 consistent trajectory of
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
. Regarding the diagram, the striking growth was performed by corn
sweeteners
Use synonyms
, initiating from around 20
pounds
Use synonyms
 for each
person
Use synonyms
, which
then
Linking Words
 skyrocketed peaking
approximately
Change preposition
at approximately
show examples
 90
pounds
Use synonyms
 in 1999.
This
Linking Words
 category
conclude
Wrong verb form
concluded
show examples
 the year at 60
pounds
Use synonyms
 after
droppping
Correct your spelling
dropping
 slightly
whereas
Linking Words
 refined cane and beet sugars have a margin discrepancy, just over 60
pounds
Use synonyms
 per
person
Use synonyms
, after retailing
about
Change preposition
for about
show examples
 the
former
Correct word choice
past
show examples
 25 years. The
number
Use synonyms
 of cane and beet sugars
otensibly
Correct your spelling
ostensibly
 the highest product, standing at 100
pound
Change to a plural noun
pounds
show examples
 at
first,
Linking Words
before
went
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 down and eventually being
surprassed
Correct your spelling
surpassed
suppressed
surprised
 by corn
sweeteners
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
unwavering
Correct article usage
an unwavering
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 pattern with a steady fluctuation was experienced by honey and syrups, starting at below 20
pounds
Use synonyms
 per
person
Use synonyms
. Despite the small
number
Use synonyms
 of availability, honey was always greater in comparison to edible syrups over the periods, particularly the latter which ever dipped
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 0
pounds
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1994. Both of those
sweeteners
Use synonyms
 ended the years at the initial point.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words pounds, person, number, sweeteners with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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