Some people feel that playing computer games has a negative impact on children's health and social skills. Others say that it has a positive impact. Discuss both views.
Many people believe that playing video
games
has bad impacts on underage kids' medical conditions and communication skills. Meanwhile, some groups think that has good values. The following essay takes a look at the both sides of the argument.
First and foremost, there is no denying that nowadays there are a bunch of younger individuals playing online games
, although
there are tons of impacts whether good or bad. Furthermore
, the benefit of playing video games
may increase cognitive skill development. For example
, kids can be cleverer in processing memories in children's brains. Also
, for groups who feel stressed out, this
activity can be a good solution because the game is one of the stress relievers. Again, playing virtual games
may gain friendships through communication from the match which is a beneficial point of online play.
On the other hand
, the harms that are caused by it do exist. For instance
, the
academic performance may decrease Correct article usage
apply
due to
the addiction to games
, children tend to focus on the match rather than study for school. Moreover
, the risk of obesity may happen if an individual spends the entire day on the computer and not
do any exercises Add a missing verb
does not
besides
gambling. What is more, one of the scariest effects is aggressive behaviour, this
action might also
come from the addiction to a game.
To draw
the conclusion, virtual gambling indeed has two different effects it may create but still the effects contain awfulness and that should be monitored by parents in order to guide young to be better in behavingFix the infinitive
Draw
Submitted by syifensaft
on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a coherent structure with clear paragraphs, and that each paragraph has a clear main idea followed by supporting details. While the structure is generally coherent, some points could be better developed with more specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are both present and serve their purposes effectively. The introduction should clearly introduce the topic and outline the essay, while the conclusion should effectively summarize the arguments without introducing new ideas. In your case, the conclusion is there but could better encapsulate the nuances of the discussion.
task achievement
Your essay should fully respond to the task by discussing both sides of the argument and making your own position clear. Make sure both views are explored adequately and that there is a balance in the discussion. You have both views present but need to expand on them with more depth and relevant examples.
task achievement
Ideas in your essay should be explained clearly and comprehensively. make sure to develop your ideas fully and that the reader can easily understand them. Your essay presents clear ideas but could benefit from deeper explanation and more comprehensive coverage of the points raised.
task achievement
Support your main points by including relevant, specific examples. This adds weight to your argument and helps to clearly illustrate your points. Your essay lacks specific examples that would make your arguments more persuasive and grounded.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?