IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

write a referrral letterr to community health nurse

#letterr #community #health #nurse
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
I am writing to refer Alfred Billy who has
diagnosed
Add a missing verb
been diagnosed
show examples
skin
Change preposition
with skin
show examples
 cancer. Now he is set to be discharged into your care. Mr Alfred was presented to our care with
diagnosis
Add an article
a diagnosis
show examples
 of skin cancer( basal cell carcinoma)(neck)
nodular
Correct word choice
and nodular
show examples
 basal cell carcinoma. During hospitalization, skin
biospy
Correct your spelling
biopsy
 is taken for pathological study and has undergone removal of CCB. He was prescribed
panedein
Change the capitalization
Panedein
show examples
 forte 500mg for pain.
Therefore
 he is maintaining good health at the time of discharge. Alfred lives with his wife and as a truck driver. He had a habit of consuming liquor for
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 30 years and smoking. He has no past medical history. I would highly appreciate it if you could take of
Alfred
Change noun form
Alfred's
show examples
 health condition on the daily observation. Kindly monitor his medication compliance as per
Correct article usage
the doctor
show examples
doctor
Change noun form
doctor's
show examples
 advice. If you have any doubt, don't hesitate to contact me. yours sincerely nurse
Submitted by insighttribez on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
The letter presents the referral case with basic information and structure but lacks formality and detail in some areas. To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that the letter has a clear introductory sentence and more cohesive devices to connect ideas smoothly between sentences and paragraphs. Aim to present each piece of information in a planned and organized manner, which includes using paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas or pieces of information.
Task Achievement
The overall task is achieved, and the main points are covered. However, to enhance task response, ensure to include full patient details (e.g., age), specific guidance for the nurse's roles, and a more detailed treatment plan and follow-up. Additionally, ensure you address any privacy concerns by not disclosing sensitive patient information without consent.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: