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Band 4

In today's world amny people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #amny #people #smartphone
In the current time, there is a growing number of individuals having a
smartphone
.
This
 writer believes that owning one could provide benefits like easier communication and navigation which would outweigh the eye problems from
this
 technology. It is vital to understand that
this
 is the appearance of
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 could bring
people
 closer. As the advancement of
smartphone
 technology has streamlined communication systems, the distance between
people
 worldwide or in remote areas is only a text away.
Moreover
,
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 would be a means of taking care of children because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 always
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a distinctive signal which
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
 the parents to know where their children are,
also
 to react rapidly
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 accidents and urgent situations. The use of intelligent devices could be considered as having an ease in navigation. Take GPS as a premiere example. Since phones began using GPS to instruct
people
 to several locations, getting around has never been smoother. It is possible to say that it will provide accurate guidance whether
people
 are in other countries without asking for directions.
However
, there is a problem
according to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 phones.
Due to
 the increasing number of entertainment,
people
 are overusing smartphones so the obesity rate
rise
Wrong verb form
is rising
show examples
 dramatically currently. With the time shortage after spending hours playing games or enjoying virtual places, they
could
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not have any opportunities to do
outdoors
Replace the word
outdoor
show examples
 activities or exercises which
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high level of stress and misbehavior of those using these devices. In conclusion, the beneficial advantages
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 as communicating and navigation points like satnav will easily outweigh the high level of stress and misbehavior.
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Coherence & Cohesion
Pay attention to logical structuring of the essay. Paragraphs should focus on a single idea and there should be a clear progression of ideas throughout.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that both introduction and conclusion are present and they reflect upon the prompt. They must introduce and conclude the discussion effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support main points with specific examples and develop them further. Each paragraph should contain a clear main idea, explanations, and examples where applicable.
Task Achievement
Cover all parts of the task and answer the question fully. Your opinion should be clear throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Ideas should be detailed, developed and relevant to the task. Aim to explore both sides of the issue if the question requires it.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. However, ensure that these examples are directly related to the topic and clearly illustrate the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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