IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #people #smartphone
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, the number of people who use smartphones has increased too much. The author of
this
 essay believes that the benefits of owning a smartphone outweigh the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
. The most advantageous factor of having a mobile phone is that it can help users update their information every single second.
In other words
, unlike newspapers and television, smartphones are as fast as possible because mobile phones can surf the net and use it to update
word
Fix the agreement mistake
words
show examples
. From prior knowledge, most famous newspaper sites
such
 as the New York Times, NBC News, etc attorneys compete for the latest and most accurate account to get readers. So your smartphone will help you collate necessary information sources to serve your life. Another point worth considering is that phones can be used to keep in touch with your relatives or your friends who live far away. from you. With some apps like Zalo, Messenger, and Telegram, de, people can now interact with each other instantly.
Besides
, there are
also
 disadvantages to using smartphones. We easily become addicted to them and it affects our rhythm of life. People spend more and more time surfing and bagging things online, and that has made humanity increasingly distant and lazy. In conclusion, the benefits of owning a smartphone outweigh
its
Change the word
the
show examples
 drawbacks of new
account
Fix the agreement mistake
accounts
show examples
 and instant communication.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay's structure is somewhat present, but it lacks clear logical progression and the ideas are not always flowing naturally from one to the other. Moreover, the points could be supported by clearer topic sentences and more effective use of linking words.
task achievement
While the essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of smartphones, it falls short in providing specific examples to support its arguments. Additionally, the task response could be improved with a more nuanced discussion that carefully considers both sides of the argument before reaching a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant access
  • real-time updates
  • portable offices
  • emergency services
  • social media
  • navigation
  • cybersecurity
  • screen time
  • digital detox
  • environmental footprint
What to do next:
Look at other essays: