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Writing Samples /
Band 2

In today's world many people own a smartphone.Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #people #smartphone
In the modern age.many
people
 own a
smartphone
.
This
 writer will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the advantages of
own
Wrong verb form
owning
show examples
 a
smartphone
 and
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 if
people
 do not have their own
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. On the one
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
,
smartphone
Add an article
the smartphone
a smartphone
show examples
 is the one of the most
achievement
Replace the word
achieved
show examples
Change preposition
of human's
show examples
human's
Change noun form
humans
show examples
,it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
people
 solve problems in their life,
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 enjoyment to the owner,without
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 we do not know the trend of the world and
its
Change the pronoun
it
show examples
 have a big effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 human entertain.
For example
,
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 upload the
new
Fix the agreement mistake
news
show examples
 of the world
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 to everyone
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
 planet,
also
 we can
learn
Rephrase
also learn
show examples
 something new on the Internet.
However
,it
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
 difficult if
people
 do not have their own,
people
 can not know the
sate
Correct your spelling
state
show examples
 of the world and many
people
 who live far away from their
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will have a
smartphone
 to call their members.
For example
,the oldest radar was invented in 1890 but in 2007 the most
mordern
Correct your spelling
modern
 phone
war
Correct your spelling
was
show examples
 invented it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 many
function
Change to a plural noun
functions
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 life. In conclusion,in the modern
age
Add a comma
age,
show examples
people
 need to have their own phone to use
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 there are many things a
smartphone
 can help you everything if you need them.But it can
very
Add a missing verb
be very
show examples
 harmful if you do not use it in the
correctly
Change the word
correct
show examples
 way.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clarity and precision in expressing ideas. There are frequent grammatical errors and the sentence structures are confusing, which disrupts the logical flow. Introduce your topic with a clear thesis statement, organize your paragraphs with clear topic sentences, and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea with supporting details.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure you fully answer the question by discussing both advantages and disadvantages in a balanced manner. Use more specific examples to illustrate your points, and make sure your conclusion summarizes your argument effectively. Avoid straying from the topic and address the prompt directly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant access
  • real-time updates
  • portable offices
  • emergency services
  • social media
  • navigation
  • cybersecurity
  • screen time
  • digital detox
  • environmental footprint
What to do next:
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