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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In today’s world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

#today’s #world #people #smartphone
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In
this
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 modern era, more and more
people
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 tend to use
smartphones
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 than in the past. I contend that having a
smartphone
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 provides
humanswith
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humans with a wide
awide
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a wide
wide
 range of
information
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 and endless
entertainment
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. The most advantageous factor of owning a
smartphone
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 is that it helps humans save much less
time
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 in order to collect figures. It can be seen that when
people
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 want to know more about something, they just need to turn on their phones and use Google.
This
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 will bring them a huge source of
information
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. In the past, when technology was not as developed as now,
people
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 in that
time
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 had to search for
information
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 through loads of books or others.
This
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 made them waste a lot of
time
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. Another benefit of a
smartphone
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 should be considered is that it has an endless source of
entertainment
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. Nowadays,
due to
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 the widespread of technology in over the world, more
people
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 gradually focusing on the social media field which creates content on the internet.
For instance
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, TikTok,
a
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is a
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well-known app that most of the residents use. Just with a
smartphone
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,
people
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 can easily access
this
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 app and watch humorous videos. Not only social media but
smartphones
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also
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 help
people
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 get closer to the online games field. When you are bored and you
get
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have
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 nothing to do, online games on mobile
phone
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phones
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 are the best option for
this
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 situation. With endless
entertainment
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, humans will never get dull.
Besides
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 these advantages,
smartphones
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also
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 have some disadvantages. One of the most common
problem
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problems
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 because of
smartphones
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 is phone addiction.
Base
Wrong verb form
Based
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 on some
researches
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research
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, the proportion of teenagers who are addicted to
smartphones
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 increases year by year.
This
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 is because phones provide them
lots
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with lots
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 of interesting things which
make
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makes
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 children become anti-social. But
this
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 can be solved through the limitation of
time
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 that parents give them and they must be serious about
this
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 problem to prevent
smartphone
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 addiction. In conclusion, the advantages of
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smartphone
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smartphones
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 have outweighed the disadvantages
due to
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 the wide range of
information
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 and endless
entertainment
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 that can help
people
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 a lot in their lives and jobs.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure you are creating a logical structure to your essay by presenting clear, concise paragraphs that reflect a natural flow of ideas, focusing on one main idea per paragraph and using appropriate linking words to connect your thoughts.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be stronger. Make sure your introduction clearly sets out the topic and your position, while your conclusion effectively summarizes the points made and reiterates your opinion without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Expand on your main points with more detailed explanations, evidence, or examples to support your argument. This helps to demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic and reinforces the impact of your main ideas.
task achievement
While you completed the task, ensure that your response answers all parts of the prompt fully. Clearly state your opinion and make sure all ideas presented relate directly to the question at hand.
task achievement
Work on expressing your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Consider organizing your thoughts more effectively and using a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to convey nuanced arguments.
task achievement
Include relevant, specific examples to support your opinions wherever possible. This helps illustrate your points and provides concrete evidence to back up your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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