In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages? (Nguyen)
Smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
Smartphones
is
recently so popular Verb problem
have
in
all over the worldChange preposition
apply
,
Correct word choice
that, thatnumbers
Correct article usage
a thatnumbers
thatnumbers
of Correct your spelling
number
people
own for themselves a smartphone
. The writer scontends
that the benefits of Correct your spelling
contends
this
electronic gadgets as a quick means of communication and entertainment outweigh the drawbacks of Correct determiner usage
these
smartphone
addiction.
It is true that phones significantly help human
in communication. Thanks to the development Fix the agreement mistake
humans
od
internet, Correct your spelling
of
people
are able to get in touch more convenitently
, no Correct your spelling
conveniently
matters
about distance or Fix the agreement mistake
matter
time
, via social apps. In comparison, instead
of sending letters which can take up to several day
or even months, it is faster now to connect to a person Change to a plural noun
days
at
other sides of Change preposition
on
Earth
by Messenger or Viber.
Correct article usage
the Earth
Morover
, smartphones nowadays do not only provide basic Correct your spelling
Moreover
neccesities
in terms of conservation but Correct your spelling
necessities
also
of
entertainment. Change preposition
apply
People
in this
4.0 era can kill the
Correct article usage
apply
time
by surfing internet
, watching online videos, or even playing games through various apps. ItCorrect article usage
the internet
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
therefore
does assist people
to relax and enjoy doing their hobbies, as well as
keep to the latest news in the whole world.
However
, a minority in community
believe that owing to those attractions, it is possible to be addicted to phones and stick eyes Add an article
the community
in
Change preposition
on
screen
for hours. The point is somehow true, but with the limits Correct article usage
the screen
in
phone-using Change preposition
on
time
from government
, Correct article usage
the government
supporting
with outdoors-activity encouragement, the problem can be minimized and possibly improved. Take China Wrong verb form
supported
for instance
, where not only children are not allowed to use smartphones over
3 hours, but Change preposition
for over
also
adults are reccomended
to use Correct your spelling
recommended
Correct pronoun usage
them withing
withing
4 hours a day.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
within
smartphone
is definitely a useful tool for Correct article usage
the smartphone
conversating
Verb problem
conversing
as well as
entertaining. Despite the chance of being addicted to phone
, which can be alleviated by Correct article usage
a phone
time
restricting
and Replace the word
restrictions
encouraging
to go outside, it is outweighed by those benefits above.Replace the word
encouragement
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Introduction & Conclusion
The essay lacks a strong clear introduction that addresses the question directly. The conclusion is present but could be more forceful. Improve your essay by stating your opinion or position clearly in the introduction and reinforcing it in the conclusion.
Body Paragraph Structure
The body paragraphs need better structuring. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence. Avoid overly general statements and provide specific examples to support your arguments.
Cohesive Devices
The essay does show an attempt at logical structure; however, transitions between ideas are sometimes abrupt. Use cohesive devices like linking words and phrases ('furthermore,' 'for example,' 'on the other hand') to make your text flow more naturally.
Lexical Resource & Sentence Variety
Use a broader vocabulary to avoid repetition and create a more academic tone. Aim to use a variety of sentence structures to convey your ideas effectively and enhance the readability of the essay.
Task Achievement
Make sure to fully address the essay's prompt. Expand on the advantages and disadvantages of owning a smartphone with specific examples and fully develop your arguments to clearly state why one outweighs the other.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.