In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages? (Nguyen)

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Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
Smartphones

It seems that Smartphone may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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is
Verb problem
have

There may be a verb use issue here.

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recently so popular
in
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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all over the world
,
Correct word choice
that, thatnumbers

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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Correct article usage
a thatnumbers
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thatnumbers
Correct your spelling
number

If you don’t want thatnumbers to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

own for themselves a
smartphone
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. The writer
scontends
Correct your spelling
contends

If you don’t want scontends to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

that the benefits of
Linking Words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

this
Correct determiner usage
these

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

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electronic gadgets as a quick means of communication and entertainment outweigh the drawbacks of
smartphone
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

addiction. It is true that phones significantly help
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans

It seems that human may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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in communication. Thanks to the development
od
Correct your spelling
of

The word od doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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internet,
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are able to get in touch more
convenitently
Correct your spelling
conveniently

If you don’t want convenitently to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

, no
matters
Fix the agreement mistake
matter

It seems that matters may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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about distance or
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, via social apps. In comparison,
instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of sending letters which can take up to several
day
Change to a plural noun
days

The singular countable noun day follows the quantifier several, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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or even months, it is faster now to connect to a person
at
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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other sides of
Earth
Correct article usage
the Earth

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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by Messenger or Viber.
Morover
Correct your spelling
Moreover

If you don’t want Morover to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

, smartphones nowadays do not only provide basic
neccesities
Correct your spelling
necessities

If you don’t want neccesities to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

in terms of conservation but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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entertainment.
People
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

4.0 era can kill
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

by surfing
internet
Correct article usage
the internet

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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, watching online videos, or even playing games through various apps. It
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter therefore. Consider adding the comma(s).

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therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

does assist
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to relax and enjoy doing their hobbies,
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

keep to the latest news in the whole world.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a minority in
community
Add an article
the community

The noun phrase community seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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believe that owing to those attractions, it is possible to be addicted to phones and stick eyes
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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screen
Correct article usage
the screen

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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for hours. The point is somehow true, but with the limits
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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phone-using
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from
government
Correct article usage
the government

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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,
supporting
Wrong verb form
supported

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb supporting. Consider changing it.

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with outdoors-activity encouragement, the problem can be minimized and possibly improved. Take China
for instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, where not only children are not allowed to use smartphones
over
Change preposition
for over

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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3 hours, but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

adults are
reccomended
Correct your spelling
recommended

If you don’t want reccomended to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

to use
Correct pronoun usage
them withing
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withing
Correct your spelling
within

The word withing doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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4 hours a day. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

smartphone
Correct article usage
the smartphone

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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is definitely a useful tool for
conversating
Verb problem
conversing

There may be a verb use issue here.

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as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

entertaining. Despite the chance of being addicted to
phone
Correct article usage
a phone

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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, which can be alleviated by
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

restricting
Replace the word
restrictions

The word restricting doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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and
encouraging
Replace the word
encouragement

The word encouraging doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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to go outside, it is outweighed by those benefits above.

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Introduction & Conclusion
The essay lacks a strong clear introduction that addresses the question directly. The conclusion is present but could be more forceful. Improve your essay by stating your opinion or position clearly in the introduction and reinforcing it in the conclusion.
Body Paragraph Structure
The body paragraphs need better structuring. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence. Avoid overly general statements and provide specific examples to support your arguments.
Cohesive Devices
The essay does show an attempt at logical structure; however, transitions between ideas are sometimes abrupt. Use cohesive devices like linking words and phrases ('furthermore,' 'for example,' 'on the other hand') to make your text flow more naturally.
Lexical Resource & Sentence Variety
Use a broader vocabulary to avoid repetition and create a more academic tone. Aim to use a variety of sentence structures to convey your ideas effectively and enhance the readability of the essay.
Task Achievement
Make sure to fully address the essay's prompt. Expand on the advantages and disadvantages of owning a smartphone with specific examples and fully develop your arguments to clearly state why one outweighs the other.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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