In today's world, many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantagesof owning a smartphone out weight the disadvantages

#world #people #smartphone #advantagesof #weight

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Nowadays, it turns to be easy to see random

people

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have smartphones

due to

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the affordable price and popularity it has, when each

people

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have their own

smartphone

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, it brings both advantages and disadvantages to human

life

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and society.

This

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essay will compare the negative and positive of smartphones. The use

smartphone

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people

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makes their lives easier. The

smartphone

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is an object that can connect to the internet

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

so that it can help

people

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search for information.

For example

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, when

one

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student has a problem with his homework like it is too hard to solve, he can use his mobile

phone

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and navigate to some study website and get information

such

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as how to solve

this

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exercise

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apply

show examples

and get knowledge about

this

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problem.

Therefore

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, mobile

phones

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become an assistant to support the self-study of students.

Moreover

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, mobile

phones

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can connect

people

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to the world, and have many social media like Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and Twitter,... these apps always update the data and can replace news

due to

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the high speed they bring. Too many smartphones

also

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have a harmful effect on

life

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, when

one

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is addicted to a

smartphone

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, he or she will depend on their virtual

life

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and not care about real

life

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For example

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one

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boy at teenagers time always updates his status on Facebook, he uses his

phone

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10-11 hours a day, at breakfast, lunch, noon, and dinner, he still checks in and posts his status on his account, and he does not have the connection to his family, neighbours friends ,...

This

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circumstance made him to be an isolated person.

Furthermore

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people

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's health becomes weaker when we stay in 1 position all day, we will get obese, some problems related to bones, using the

phone

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also

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make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

people

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stay up late, become

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

night

owl

Fix the agreement mistake

owls

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, it can make them get cardiovascular diseases and high blood pressure. In conclusion, when human society develops, we must adapt to the world changes. Mostly in the hi-tech era, mobile

phones

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are crucial, so every person should have their own mobile

phone

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one

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thing noted is that everybody must realise the world they live in and manipulate the time they use mobile

phones

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Submitted by [email protected] on Mon Jan 08 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay tends to have an unclear structure, with some ideas not fully developed or transitioned into smoothly. Work on clarifying and expanding on your main points, creating stronger transitions between them.

task achievement

While you addressed both advantages and disadvantages, the exposition of your ideas could be more balanced and substantiated with more relevant examples. Aim for a clearer progression of ideas to strengthen the argument's effectiveness.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

362 words

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In today's world, many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantagesof owning a smartphone out weight the disadvantages

Your opinion

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Many young people do not know how to manage their money when graduating high school. What do you think are the reason what an be done to teach them this important skills

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Industrial visits are an important aspect of a student's education, give your opinion