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Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoo. While others think that zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important. Discuss both views

#people #animals #zoo #zoos
The issue of whether or not
animals
 should be kept in
zoos
 has sparked a lot of controversy. Some
people
 believe that it is bad to keep
animals
 in
zoos
while
 others say that
zoos
 are
both
 interesting and ecologically important. I personally side with those
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 argue that
zoos
 are
both
 entertaining and ecologically important. Some
people
 articulate that
zoos
 have
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
many disadvantages to
both
 the environment and the
animals
. It is argued that
zoos
 take away the freedom of wild
animals
although
 they receive enough food and medical treatment from their keepers.
Zoos
 are usually small spaces that are used to accommodate a large number of different species of
animals
 thereby not allowing enough freedom of movement.
Furthermore
, wild
animals
 in
zoos
 get genetically modified food which might not be good for their health. It is
also
 said that
keeping
Correct article usage
the keeping
show examples
 of
animals
 in
zoos
 negatively affects the ecosystem in the
sance
Correct your spelling
sense
 that herbivors will overgraze on
this
 land leading to soil erosion. Despite all these
drawsbacks
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
, on the the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 other
people
 think that keeping
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
animals
 in
zoos
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 got a lot of benefits for human beings and the ecosystem.
People
 point out that
zoos
 can be used for tourism and educational purposes.
Zoos
 draw a lot of attention from
both
 local and foreign tourists who
visits
Correct subject-verb agreement
visit
show examples
 them for entertainment purposes thereby generating funds for the local community and the government
while
also
 allowing
people
 to learn about wild
animals
 and the environment.
In addition
, keeping
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
disadvantaged
animals
for example
 flightless birds in
zoos
 protects them from wild preditors thereby avoiding
extintion
Correct your spelling
extinction
. I personally side with those
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 believe that keeping
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
animals
 in
zoos
 generates income for the local community and the government
although
 it
is violating
Wrong verb form
violates
show examples
animals
Change noun form
animals'
animal's
show examples
 rights.
Submitted by karigaruvimbo on

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coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your essay with clear paragraphing, each with a central idea supported by specific examples or evidence. Utilizing linking phrases effectively can also enhance the logical flow.
task achievement
Ensure that you discuss both views thoroughly before stating your opinion. Provide a balanced argument with specific examples and extend your ideas appropriately.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • infringe
  • natural habitats
  • psychological well-being
  • stress and boredom
  • educational experiences
  • wildlife conservation
  • breeding programs
  • endangered species
  • ethical cost
  • virtual reality
  • nature documentaries
  • economic considerations
  • generate income
  • tourism
  • conservation efforts
  • funds
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