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Writing Samples
Band 5

School children and student of all ages now use technology a great deal in their studies. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Technology
Use synonyms
plays
Wrong verb form
has played
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 a crucial role
to support
Change preposition
in supporting
show examples
education
Correct article usage
the education
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 system of all school generations recently.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain the advantages and disadvantages of technological
materials
Use synonyms
 for studying. Some parents and teachers believe that there is
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 development from using
technology
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 as a median method in teaching nowadays. Since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 people cannot avoid
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new innovations in the future, they better
use
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maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum
show examples
 benefits of them.
For instance
Linking Words
, instructors assign students to search for useful information from
internet
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the internet
show examples
 for their report or research, and
also
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 teachers
use
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 some info which
are
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is
show examples
 generated by AI for students to analyse if the provided data are reliable or correct or not. In my point of view,
that is
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 great way to
explain
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explain to
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 pupils that they need to consider deeply before accepting that information from
technology
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 or any other sources.
Although
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 some people agree to
use
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 technological
materials
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 in studies, others
against
Add a missing verb
are against
show examples
 it.
This
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 group of people believes that the original and traditional methods of teaching are
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 ways
for learning
Change preposition
to learn
show examples
 in school. There is a variety of knowledge in official coursebooks and textbooks.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they believe that
technology
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bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 negative impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
educational
Add an article
the educational
an educational
show examples
 system. When pupils can find information easily from websites or AI programs, it makes them to have less attempt
in finding
Change preposition
to find
show examples
 beneficial data by themselves. Other than that, it leads young generations to
have
Verb problem
make
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lower
Correct word choice
less
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 effort in analysing and considering
the
Correct article usage
apply
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complex contexts.
As a result
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, technological
materials
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 destroy the significant thinking processes which is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 important part
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 educational development. In conclusion, no matter
methods
Correct article usage
the methods
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 parents and teachers
use
Use synonyms
 as a
median
Correct your spelling
medium
show examples
 of studying,
technology
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 or traditional
materials
Use synonyms
. It really depends on communication from the person who
teach
Change the verb form
teaches
show examples
. In my opinion, the combination of techniques must be the greatest paramount. Actually, the underline of education is students gain knowledge and skills. Either
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 which
lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 to that wonderful result, I consider it as a successful procedure.

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coherence cohesion
It is essential to ensure that your essay follows a clear and logical structure. Each paragraph should address a single main point, supporting it with examples or explanations. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall flow and understandability of the text.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is positive. However, work on making your thesis statement more prominent in the introduction, and ensure that your conclusion decisively restates your position and summarizes your main reasons.
coherence cohesion
Your main points need stronger support through the use of more specific examples, facts, or figures. Avoid overly broad statements and strive to anchor your arguments with concrete illustrations.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, it's important to ensure that your response is complete and fully addresses the prompt. Your essay should directly answer the question of whether you perceive the increased use of technology in studies as a positive or negative development.
task achievement
To improve clarity and ensure ideas are comprehensive, focus on articulating your thoughts in a precise manner. Use specific, rather than generic, language, and ensure that your argumentative stance is clear from the beginning.
task achievement
Inclusion of relevant, specific examples will strengthen your essay significantly. Instead of simply stating that technology can have both positive and negative implications, illustrate these with real-world situations or hypothetical scenarios. This will give your argument more weight.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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