We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problem in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree?
The modern world that it is today is very unique,
that is
, the internet
have
taken over pretty much every corner of Change the verb form
has
the
society. Nearly everyone Correct article usage
apply
have
access to it and most of them who Change the verb form
has
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
stores
pretty much everything that they Wrong verb form
store
posses
in them. The Correct your spelling
possess
internet
also
brings humanity closer to maximum efficiency in doing any task in
a day-to-day basis. Change preposition
on
Therefore
, I firmly believe that the advantages that
is
provided by the Change the verb form
are
internet
cannot be outweighted
by the problems regarding control and security of Correct your spelling
outweighed
information
.
One might argue that the internet
opens a whole can of worm
of problems as it allows non-physical attacks and data breaches to be possible. Fix the agreement mistake
worms
This
is true and it does ironically happen everyday
without most Correct your spelling
every day
people
even noticing. A very simple example of this
occurance
is social media's authority to have access to nearly everything that its Correct your spelling
occurrence
user
have, from full name, address, contacts, and sometimes even credit card number. A more sophisticated example of control flaws and data breaches is the act of hacking Fix the agreement mistake
users
permorfed
by some Correct your spelling
performed
mallicious
individuals or groups that intend to take Correct your spelling
malicious
people
's information
and sold
it to somebody else or to just simply hold their devices and data Wrong verb form
sell
then
proceed to ask for some compensation in order to unlock it back.
Correct word choice
and then
However
, I believe that humanity consists of way more intellegent
and kindhearted Correct your spelling
intelligent
people
than those who have bad intentions. We continue to surpass what yesterday's technology have
to offer and with it a more secure and robust security to protect our personal Change the verb form
has
information
to our own. If there is one activity that abuses the system of yesterday, we would come back tomorrow with a system that could witstand
ten of those abuses. We constantly Correct your spelling
withstand
pushing
the limit of the Change the form of the verb
push
internet
to a point that not even machine
itself can Correct article usage
the machine
fing
a hole in it.
In conclusion, the Correct your spelling
find
internet
is never stagnant and is always growing and maturing in every corner and aspect, including security. What is the
problem yesterday would be fixed by today and we would find a way to prevent the same thing Verb problem
The
to happen
Change preposition
from happening
in
the day after. In the future, the network would be a place where Change preposition
apply
people
could safely deposit their information
wihout
being afraid of it being used for any bad intentions.Correct your spelling
without
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure by including distinct paragraphs for the introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea and be clearly connected to your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Although an introduction and conclusion are noted, work on refining your thesis statement and ensuring your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to develop your main points with detailed support, including explanations and illustrations to strengthen your argument. Avoid general statements and work on adding depth to your analysis.
task achievement
Your essay should fully respond to all parts of the prompt. Make sure you address both the advantages and problems of internet use, providing a balanced discussion that clearly states your position.
task achievement
Work on expressing your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Avoid overgeneralizations and strive to clarify your points to ensure the reader can easily follow your line of reasoning.
task achievement
Ensure that the examples you use are specific, relevant, and effectively illustrate the points you are trying to make. Incorporating real-world examples or data can strengthen your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.