IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think it is better for people to change their career at least once in their life and do a different kind of jobs. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #change #career #life #jobs
Many
people
 guess that shifting
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 and doing a different kind of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 are a good choice for
people
. I completely agree with
this
 statement since it will
get
Verb problem
give
show examples
 more knowledge in different aspects. There are many benefits if they try to change their
career
 and they do different jobs
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 age. The
first
 and foremost is getting more experience and knowledge.
For instance
, you are a civil engineering graduate and you get your
first
 job as
internal
Add an article
an internal
show examples
 auditor in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 financial company. In your
first
 job, you know how to audit, analyze, resolve the problem and
implicate
Verb problem
implement
show examples
 the solution in your company.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 other days, you shift your
career
 and move to
road
Add an article
a road
show examples
 engineering company. In
this
 new place, you know how to make a
safety
Replace the word
safe
show examples
 road, calculate a new road and maintain the roads.
Eventough
Correct your spelling
Even
,
it
Correct word choice
though it
show examples
 is a totally different kind of work, in the second place of work, you will be more easy to analyze the problem in the field
due to
 having the experience in your
first
 job.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 benefit is having
chance
Add an article
the chance
a chance
show examples
 to expand the network. You will meet a lot of
backgorund
Correct your spelling
backgrounds
 of
people
. To illustrate, you meet
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 who
good
Add a missing verb
are good
show examples
 at speech, master
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 computers, great at
thoughts
Fix the agreement mistake
thought
show examples
 and excellent
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 selling. When you see that kind of
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
, you have to learn from them, gain their skills and ask everything. The
last
 benefit is
overcome
Wrong verb form
overcoming
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
boredom or incompatibility with the jobs. Indeed, whenever you find that feeling, you have to get out and move to a new place.
To sum up
, shifting
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 and moving jobs are the best
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
 to achieve new skills, meet many
background
Change to a plural noun
backgrounds
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 or
boss
Fix the agreement mistake
bosses
show examples
 and cope with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
boredom.
Submitted by Dedeways244 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use linking words to guide the reader through your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Starting sentences with a variety of complex structures enhances readability and showcases language proficiency. Aim to diversify your sentence structures.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your main points are well-developed and clearly connected to your overall argument. Each paragraph should contain a main idea, supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence that reiterates the main point.
task achievement
Fully address the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument, if applicable, or by providing a thorough explanation of your position. Ensure that you stay relevant to the topic throughout your essay.
task achievement
Clarify and expand upon your ideas with detailed reasoning and appropriate examples. Avoid general statements and focus on specific aspects that directly support your argument.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures to demonstrate language proficiency. This will also make your essay more engaging and persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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