Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

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In today's society, technology plays a major part in every generation's life. It is said that

children

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are most likely to play on their phones for most of the day. In my opinion, the idea mentioned is mainly caused by the benefit of technology that could easily provide any source of people's needs.

However

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this

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phenomenon could lead to some negative outcomes.

Firstly

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, the main problem with the massive time usage of phones by

children

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is that they are looking for the easiest way to fulfil their enjoyment. By operating the smartphones, they could easily access many sources of entertainment from the internet.

Secondly

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this

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case is

also

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supported by the act of the parents who depended on their

children

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with smart devices in order to accompany them.

For instance

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, when their kids are starting to cry for no reason, many of the parents are directly started to give them a phone, so that it can reassure their

children

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. That approach is continuously creating a usual habit towards the

children

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into their later years.

On the other hand

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, despite bringing various convenient impacts, I believe that based on the case above,

this

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phenomenon contains negative possibilities that could happen. Many

children

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could be easily addicted to the point it can harm their mental health.

For example

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, a mental problem named nomophobia was caused by

this

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exact issue, which numerous people are very anxious and sweaty when they are not on their phones. It is not necessary for

children

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to sacrifice their early ages for advanced tools,

instead

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, they should be looking for fun in their real-life surroundings. In conclusion, parents must step out of

this

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problem and take their role by being present to their kids and introducing various real-life activities to entertain them.

Submitted by talithanakhwah19 on Mon Jan 08 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay provides a logical structure but would benefit from clearer paragraphing and more varied connectors to enhance the cohesion. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that your linking words accurately reflect the relationship between ideas.

task achievement

You have addressed the task; however, consider expanding your main ideas with more detailed examples and explanations to fully satisfy the requirements. Additionally, be sure to directly address all parts of the prompt to ensure a complete response with clear and comprehensive ideas.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

294 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people say that what individuals do to protect cannot make difference, others say that individuals can protect environment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Face-to-face communication is better than other types of communication such as letters,emails, or telephone calls. How far you agree or disagree with this statement?

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