The government pay tution fees for the university students. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Education
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is one of the aspects of ministry which are
focusing
Wrong verb form
focused
show examples
on. They remunerate tuition fees for
university
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students
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as well.
However
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, as we know it gives more benefits for their administratives
such
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as increasing their standard quality of
community
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and helping society who can't afford their learning. Meanwhile, the drawback is there is another aspect
that is
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more important than
education
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. Let's begin by looking at the advantages of paying tuition fees for communities,
education
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is one of the aspects of standard quality evaluation, it will increase if
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
are many
students
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who are educated until
university
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. Why it can have a big impact? If the ministry would pay for the educational institution admission, it means more population would be educated afterwards.
Then
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all the
people
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who graduate will work for companies or
make
Verb problem
do
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some business which opens some new
jobs
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. Following that, it will raise the standard quality of society and it will lead to less crime and slums in some places because many
people
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will have
jobs
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.
Therefore
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, It would have some good domino effects
for
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on
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countries
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, governments and
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community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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.
Secondly
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, it will give benefits to
students
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who are not able to afford their
education
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, especially
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community
Correct article usage
the community
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who live in developing
countries
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. As we know, they will follow their parent's
jobs
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, if their parents are beggars or thieves
then
Linking Words
they might be doing so. They will stay in their bad neighbourhood. If the
government
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did that, they might go out of their environment and they would have more value in getting
a better
Correct the article-noun agreement
a better job
better jobs
show examples
jobs
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and it might make their family get out of poverty.
However
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, it will
also
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give some drawbacks, especially for the
government
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in developing
countries
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. Because there are many aspects that are more important than pay for
university
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students
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such
Linking Words
as public health and food. There are many places
which are
Verb problem
that
show examples
still lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
for
paying
Verb problem
apply
show examples
medicines and
hospital
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hospitals
show examples
. If governments would invest more in public health, it
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
raise
chance
Add an article
the chance
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of life for communities.
Furthermore
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, some
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community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
will not agree because They might think paying for
education
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until senior high school is enough for
people
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.
Therefore
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, they will tend to request
government
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spend their budget on something else. In conclusion, tuition fees for
university
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students
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are paid by
Correct article usage
the administrative
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administrative
Replace the word
administration
show examples
are gives some advantages to the
government
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,
people
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and
countries
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rather than the negative side of them.
Submitted by lindamahadita on

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coherence cohesion
The essay structure needs to be improved with clearer and more distinct paragraphs each with a topic sentence. Introduction and conclusion are present but they could be stronger in presenting the essay's thesis and summarizing the arguments, respectively. Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea for better coherence.
task achievement
The response to the task, while covering both sides of the argument, can be enhanced by offering more specific examples and detailed explanations. Ensure all parts of the task are adequately covered, and remember to explicitly state whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages to fully answer the question.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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