IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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As we live in a worldwide business competition, the effects of economic growth are always a controversial subject, especially for governments. Authorities believe that progressing in the
economy
Use synonyms
 is the most essential factor to achieve prosperity for a community. Others oppose the idea and consider other aspects of society in the same position. In
this
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 essay, we will discuss both sides of the debate, and give a concluding view. On the one hand, the supporters of the role of the
economy
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 cite that all parts of a
country
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 need mandatory support for improvement.
In other words
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, the
economy
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 is related to various parts of a
country
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,
such
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 as agriculture, industry, and technology, in order to achieve the remarkable process in all these areas, financial support is necessary.
Moreover
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, the more government concentrates on these sections the more profit it would cause for the society.
Secondly
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, being affluent would prepare
a
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apply
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wide access to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 the community's essential needs.
This
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 results in purchasing facilities with high quality, various services are provided,
for example
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, the newest version of hospital devices for treatments or buying international drugs. The other example of
this
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 is the relation between the quality of public transportation with the budget spent, all related to the economic situation.
By contrast
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, the opponents of the importance of progressing in the
economy
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 mention that there are some other factors with the same priority that should be focused on.
First,
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public knowledge and the rate of literacy are as essential as economic growth. Without the knowledge and increasing public alert about different subjects
such
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 as healthy routine life, culture, history, or the use of technology, the
country
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 would not improve.
Secondly
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, the
economy
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 cannot be the sole factor of development and safety is one of them.
In addition
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, the low range of crimes should be considered as a high purpose of a
country
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. In conclusion, it is advisable that the authorities should focus on the financial part of the society.
However
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, it would appear that literacy, safety, and public health are equal in the necessity of economic growth or even the basic steps to reach
this
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 goal.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure there is a clear progression throughout your essay. Create strong topic sentences for each paragraph and make sure each idea is expanded upon and linked back to the essay question.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices effectively but be cautious not to overuse or misuse them, as this can make the writing seem forced or confusing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction should introduce the topic and clearly state the purpose of the essay without being repetitive. A more striking introduction could engage the reader and set the tone for the subsequent arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make certain that the conclusion summarizes the main points and provides a final perspective that is derived from the content of the essay. It should effectively tie together the essay and respond to the prompt conclusively.
Task Achievement
To fully cover the task, ensure that both views are discussed comprehensively while providing a balanced comparison before giving your opinion. This shows your ability to consider multiple perspectives and present a reasoned argument.
Task Achievement
Strive to present clear and comprehensive ideas in a structured manner. Avoid generalities, and develop your arguments with more detailed and diverse explanations for a stronger impact.
Task Achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to support your points. Examples serve as concrete evidence that strengthens your arguments and the reader's understanding of your ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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