IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree of disagree with this statement?

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In contemporary society, scientific research has consistently been a topic of interest among the masses. The statement - Improving
humanity
Use synonyms
's lives is the central goal of scientific development presents a viewpoint
that is
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 both thought-provoking and debatable. Despite its contentious nature, I am inclined to oppose
this
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 perspective, as I believe societies should make environmental problems a priority and
furthermore
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,
this
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 is the main problem that scientists need to dedicate to solving. There is little doubt that scientific research plays an important role in the fast-changing world. Inventions from small scales
such
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 as microwaves to large scales like high-speed rails or even intangible open AI -ChatGPT did bring infinite convenience to human life. In the near future, robots can replace most of the job positions which are boring and repeating.
Due to
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 unstopping research and scientists understanding the world more,
people
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's lives become incredibly comfortable. It is
therefore
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 reasonable that
science
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 is without doubt improving and bringing convenience to
humanity
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's community.
However
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, the aforementioned perspectives overlook the environment as the only decisive reason that decides how long
people
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 can live. If
people
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 keep ignoring the alerts from the earth, human extinction is only a matter of time.
Therefore
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, I believe, the development of
science
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 should aim at solving the extreme global environmental disaster. To elaborate, numerous farms are facing the situation - disappearing of bees. Bees help plants in the process of pollination and
thus
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 are necessary to most flowers and fruit-producing trees. Without bees,
humanity
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 would be dead within a year or less.
Therefore
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, it is crucial that scientists find effective ways to solve the disaster.
Such
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 an instance challenges the initial assertion and supports my opinion that decreasing concerns and the phenomenon of global warming is more important than improving
people
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's lives,
otherwise
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, the whole societies of
humanity
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 will die out soon. In conclusion, reflecting upon the statement
science
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 is focused on advancing
people
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's life standards is not black or white. But it is crucial to acknowledge the earth is the treasure that whole communities should put in the first place. Given the consideration, my allegiance that the goal of
science
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's improvement is to prolong the deterioration of the earth's environment is steadfastly consolidated and remains incontrovertibly firm.

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task achievement
Make sure to have a clear position throughout the essay. While you address the prompt, a more nuanced development of your stance with a balanced consideration of both views would improve clarity and task response. Addressing the other side of the argument briefly can add to the depth of your analysis.
coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your essay into clear, distinct paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the logical flow of ideas from one sentence to another and from one paragraph to the next.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and generally appropriate, but they could be stronger with a more decisive thesis statement and a more concise summary of the key points discussed within the essay. Ensure the conclusion fully encapsulates your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Utilize a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures. While the essay includes some complex sentence structures and vocabulary, there is room for greater linguistic range which can contribute to a higher band score. Avoid repetition of certain words and phrases to make your writing more varied.
task achievement
Support your main points with a broader range of examples and evidence that clearly relate to the prompt. While some examples are present, they could be more fully developed and directly linked to the central topic of how science should prioritize its aims.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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