it is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. to what extent do you agree or disagree?
it is more important for young
students
to study about
the Change preposition
apply
history
of their own country
or the other societies in the world
. From my point of view, both of them are essential for those young students
.
First of all, studying their own history
of your country
or city, for sure it is an indispensable part of the school curriculum for those students
. I believe that you can gain knowledge
about what happened in the past about your country
will give to
you a sense of patriotism Change preposition
apply
also
Correct word choice
and also
basics
insight about your own Change the noun form
basic
history
. for example
, in Brazil
children Add a comma
Brazil,
of
primary school will learn about Change preposition
in
your
own Correct pronoun usage
their
history
, like they will know what happened with all presidents
that already Correct article usage
the presidents
had
there, about the most important mark of Verb problem
lived
politcs
and the independence of Brazil. Correct your spelling
politics
Therefore
those small students
need to have a minimum of knowledge
about your country
for one day can discuss about
it with anyone.
Remove the preposition
apply
On the other hand
, have extense
expertise about Correct your spelling
extensive
the
international Correct article usage
apply
world
history
share the importance to know
about what happened in other cultures, Change preposition
of knowing
has
Wrong verb form
and have
knowledge
about important mark things that happened in old
days in the Correct article usage
the old
world
. For example
, the secondary students
in brazil
Capitalize word
Brazil
they
will just have extensive expertise Correct pronoun usage
apply
about
Change preposition
in
the
international Correct article usage
apply
history
, such
as about
the Change preposition
apply
first
Correct your spelling
First World War
world
war that passed
in the continent of Europe.
In conclusion, Verb problem
occurred
i
Change the capitalization
I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
that is
necessary for those young students
have
in your grade school Fix the infinitive
to have
knowledge
about both history
either local for a sense of patriotism for small kids and international children older to has
moreinsiht Wrong verb form
have
that
what passed in Correct word choice
than
history
. In that case
when the Add a comma
case,
students
graduate they will have extensive expertise about two premises.Submitted by ariannynani on
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task achievement
While the essay attempts to tackle the topic, there are numerous language issues that hinder a clear articulation of ideas. In addition, specific examples to illustrate points are minimal and not developed in detail. To improve, make sure to delve deeper into examples and ensure they directly support the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows an attempt at a structured argument but lacks clear connectivity and transitions between ideas. The use of cohesive devices could be improved and paragraphs must have clear central ideas. Improving the logical flow would greatly enhance the quality of the essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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