IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that universities students should specialise in a particular subject while others believe that they should study a range of subjects. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

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In the modernised era, many educational institutes promote a wide range of
subjects
Use synonyms
 for learners to opt for. Some people suggest that
university
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students
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 should focus on a
core
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 field,
whereas
Linking Words
 others think that they could study various
subjects
Use synonyms
 in their school lives.
However
Linking Words
, my point of view tends to gain a variety of knowledge for preparing
further
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 work.
This
Linking Words
 essay will expound on both sides and my position. On the
one
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 hand,
one
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 of the vast majority of focusing a major
core
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 can be specified qualifications. If adolescents or younger adults pick up
one
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core
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such
Linking Words
 as education, when they can manage more easily, they succeed in a
core
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 field.
In addition
Linking Words
, they are getting expertise quickly.
For instance
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, in my city, a large number of college
students
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 apply to educational
core
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 owing to the contribution of teaching different aged-group children or youngsters. Even though they study
one
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core
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, they
also
Linking Words
 head up quickly and choose compulsory and optional parts for their training.
Consequently
Linking Words
, those
students
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 can be qualified when they fulfil the
university
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's
core
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 requirements
instead
Linking Words
 of opting for different
subjects
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.
On the other hand
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, studying various
subjects
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 prepares as well for
further
Linking Words
 pursuing careers. If juveniles can learn a range of
subjects
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 at
university
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 including language, Maths and a major, it will benefit them to develop their global viewpoints and consolidation.
Therefore
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,
this
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 is more likely to match different job vacancies for learners preparing well in society.
For
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this
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 reason, learning a variety of
subjects
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 would like to be effective in finding a job in the future rather than a
core
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 field. In conclusion, based on the statements above, I stand for
university
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students
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 should study a wide range of
subjects
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 including compulsory and optional parts for well preparing to workplace and to increase their competition in society.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic that is developed logically. The essay sometimes strays from the main points.
coherence cohesion
Use linking devices appropriately to connect ideas and paragraphs, but avoid overuse which might obscure meaning or make the structure seem mechanical.
task achievement
Provide clear examples to support your points. Your essay would benefit from including more specific and relevant examples to strengthen the arguments.
task achievement
Make sure that your position is clear throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion where your opinion should be prominently stated.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task sufficiently. While the essay attempts to discuss both views and includes an opinion, it could more fully explore the implications and consequences of each view.
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