Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
People argue that the nation's authority should allocate more budget towards creating more railways
instead
of adding more highways. I couldn't agree more with the statement. Providing more routes for trains can solve traffic
problems especially
in big cities, Add the comma(s)
, especially
while
making more roads will only amplifies
the Change the verb form
amplify
traffic
jam
.
People in Fix the agreement mistake
jams
Jakarta
, which is one the cities with worst
Add an article
the worst
traffic
in the world, are now prefer
to use more trains to commute to their destinations as trains can help them arrive on time or at least within Change the verb form
now prefer
estimated
time. The main road which Add an article
the estimated
connect
Change the verb form
connects
southern
part of the city to the Add an article
the southern
center
of Change the spelling
centre
Jakarta
has been less crowded within rush
hour after Add an article
a rush
the rush
Mono
Railway Train with the same route Correct article usage
the Mono
is
established. If the City Council take the same action for the northern part of Wrong verb form
was
Jakarta
, it may also
lessen the traffic
as a result
.
On the other hand
, Bandung which located
around 200 Add a missing verb
is located
kilometers
away from Change the spelling
kilometres
Jakarta
is having
worse Wrong verb form
has
traffic
every year, although
several overpasses have been built on the traffic
source areas. This
phenomenon may happen because adding more roadways will indirectly encourage people to have more private vehicles. Local
newspaper reported that Add an article
A local
The local
number
of cars registered in Bandung Change the article
a number
the number
raised
around 10%, a year after the Verb problem
increased by
governon
officially Correct your spelling
governor
government
open
two overpasses in the city Wrong verb form
opened
to
public use.
In conclusion, it is important to spread financial support for Change preposition
for
transportantion
infrastructure effectively. It can be calculated by which will eventually lessen the problems.Correct your spelling
transportation
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task achievement
The introduction should offer a clearer thesis statement that sets the tone for the essay. Also, provide a more comprehensive conclusion to bring your arguments together effectively.
coherence cohesion
Revise some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve the fluidity of the essay. For instance, 'more roads will only amplifies' should be 'more roads will only amplify,' and 'Bandung which located' should be 'Bandung, which is located.'
task achievement
You have successfully addressed the prompt by stating your agreement and providing relevant supporting examples, which strengthens your stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured with clear main points and supporting details, which aids in the logical flow of your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.