IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#changes #ownership #appliances #amount #time #housework #households #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line charts give us information about the usage of electrical
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 in the families
along with
Linking Words
 the weekly duration of house activities, commencing 1920 to 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, the usage of washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
,
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
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, and vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 among the families
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased, compared to the housework activities’ amount of hours, which had its downfall in each year. In the first chart, more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of the households were 20 years late to use
Add an article
the refrigerator
a refrigerator
show examples
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
,
Linking Words
subsequently
Add a comma
subsequently,
show examples
 the rates climbed
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 more than 40% in 1960. From 1980 up to 2019,
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 can be seen in almost every
households
Change to a singular noun
household
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. In comparison,
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1920 to 1940, the remained categories
were experiencing
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
 a similar trend.
However
Linking Words
, in 1960,
while
Linking Words
vacuum
Correct article usage
the vacuum
show examples
 cleaner had a steady growth, hitting its highest point of about 100% in the 2000s, the washing machine had its downfall. People tend to less owning
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 in their houses, receding its number by about 70% to 60% in 1980, but
fortunately
Add a comma
fortunately,
show examples
 it resurganced in 2019, with figures almost 80%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in spite of its increase in those electrical
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
, the duration
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 using those materials collapsed throughout the entire
periods
Fix the agreement mistake
period
show examples
. In 1920, families managed to do their home activities
around
Change preposition
for around
show examples
 50 hours and
then
Linking Words
 the number receded significantly by about 30% in 1960. By the end of the period, it was very rare
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 households to do their home activities, approximately only 10%.
Submitted by talithanakhwah19 on

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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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