Being involved in the arts makes people feel better. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#arts #people

this

period of modernity many people are

involed

Correct your spelling

involved

in the

arts

makes persons feel better.For many years, humans have been

creatings

Correct your spelling

creating

and enjoying

arts

Fix the agreement mistake

art

show examples

.In my opinion,I strongly agree with

this

nation and my opinion will be discussed in

further

Add an article

a further

the further

show examples

paragraph with a suitable conclusion. supporting my agreement

Change preposition

with

show examples

the given statement.I firmly believe that

arts

Change the verb form

are

show examples

essential as it all the developmental domains in child development.

Moreover

, it helps in physical

develment

Correct your spelling

development

and

enhanchings

Correct your spelling

enhancing

gross and

motors

Change the noun form

motor

show examples

skills.to cite an example,playing with dough can

finr-tune

Correct your spelling

fine-tune

find-tune

your muscle control in your fingers.

For instance

,art is universal and can be found everywhere.

Explaning

Correct your spelling

Explaining

some of

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

another supporting points

Replace the adjective

another supporting point

other supporting points

show examples

in favour

this

Change preposition

of this

show examples

statement.It

is believe

Change the verb form

is believed

show examples

that art is a way to show your feelings and ideas, but without words.Some use paints

Correct your spelling

and

show examples

brush on a canvas .

Other

Fix the agreement mistake

Others

show examples

use clay to make sculptures.

even

Capitalize word

Even

show examples

takings

Correct your spelling

taking

show examples

photos is a kind of

arts

Fix the agreement mistake

art

show examples

. Art can

Verb problem

make

show examples

you happy and more curious. In

conclusion

Add a comma

conclusion,

show examples

being involved in the

arts

makes people feel better.I believe that

aforementioned

Correct article usage

the aforementioned

show examples

points

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

strongly

supportings

Correct your spelling

supporting

view points

Correct your spelling

viewpoints

show examples

Submitted by ilhanctg2019 on Tue Jan 09 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Your essay presents a basic structure, but there is significant room for improvement in creating a more coherent and cohesive argument. Use clear paragraphing and make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea. Connect your ideas with appropriate linking words. Provide a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that summarises your main points effectively. Additionally, be more vigilant in the use of punctuation to enhance the clarity of your sentences.

task achievement

While your essay addresses the question, your response lacks full development of ideas with specifically relevant examples. Ensure that each paragraph contains a single clear point that is expanded with specific details or examples. Avoid overly broad statements without support and strive for depth rather than breadth in your coverage of the topic. Furthermore, proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and strive for greater precision and accuracy in your language use.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

175 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
Some people argue that working from home is better than working in an office. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people argue that working from home is more beneficial than in an office. This essay completely agrees with this statement because it offers more flexibility and can provide them financial stability.
6.5
band
A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Given the power and influence of the super rich, it might seem as if social status and material possessions are the new symbols of personal worth, but in everyday life I do not think this is true.
<4
band
Culture is turning similar around the world. What are reasons? What are the positive and negative aspects?
Today, the globalization of culture is a visible phenomena. There are several reasons why this is happening, and social media and global digital connectivity are some common this. There are some positive aspects, such a worldwide ciudadanity. However, we could identify a very negative aspect, the lost of endemic culture.
5
band
Many supermarkets are selling more and more products that are imported from other countries instead of selling food that is locally sourced. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development?
In the globalisation epoch, many stores are selling much more overseas products, rather than stocked local meals. Indeed, there are many reasons behind this case. However, Personally, I reckon that it brings negative consequences which will be elucidated in subsequent paragraphs.
5
band
In many cities the use of video cameras in public places is being increased in order to reduce crimes, but some people believe that these measures restrict our individual freedom. Do the benefits of increased security outweigh the drawbacks?
There is no denying fact that, in recent years in major cities and towns governments have introduced security cameras to record the movement of citizens. No matter where we are going everything is filmed. Furthermore, all the calls that we make are recorded by police officers. Our mobile devices are connected with the government's system and thanks to that we are under their control. This new technology method has a lot of proponents and opponents. Should we slowly get used to it?

Being involved in the arts makes people feel better. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people argue that working from home is better than working in an office. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Culture is turning similar around the world. What are reasons? What are the positive and negative aspects?

Many supermarkets are selling more and more products that are imported from other countries instead of selling food that is locally sourced. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

In many cities the use of video cameras in public places is being increased in order to reduce crimes, but some people believe that these measures restrict our individual freedom. Do the benefits of increased security outweigh the drawbacks?