IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, teenagers are encouraged to find part-time jobs. Some individuals this is a good development while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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In modern society, it is often argued that encouraging adolescents to find part-
time
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jobs
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 can be beneficial for their personal growth. From my perspective,
this
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 viewpoint is convincing since part-
time
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jobs
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 offer significant advantages to
teenagers
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, as outlined below.
To begin
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 with,
students
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 can gain various valuable experiences by working as part-timers. Before entering adulthood, young people have the opportunity to discover their interests and talents.
In contrast
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, after reaching adulthood, they must make career decisions, limiting their chances to explore different activities. In
this
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 respect, restricting
students
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' right to take on temporary
jobs
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 is unjustified.
Furthermore
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, working allows
teenagers
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 to earn money, which can be a valuable asset in the future. Typically, middle and high school
students
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 need to save money for their university or college education.
Moreover
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, once they turn 19, they may no longer receive pocket money from their families.
This
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 suggests that adolescents should prepare for the future in advance, and
therefore
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, they should be provided with sufficient
time
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 to engage in part-
time
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 work. Admittedly, some people are concerned that
students
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 might be deprived of
time
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 for studying when they take on
jobs
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. Since the ultimate goal for many
students
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 is to gain admission to prestigious schools by studying hard, it is understandable why parents and teachers might worry and discourage them from working.
However
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,
time
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 management is a crucial skill for
students
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 to develop. Without work responsibilities, there is a higher likelihood that
teenagers
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 might waste their
time
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 on games or leisure activities. By learning how to prioritize tasks, they can foster personal development and become more disciplined. In conclusion, working part-
time
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 can play a vital role in helping
students
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 discover their talents and enjoy a higher standard of living in the future.
Therefore
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,
teenagers
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 should be encouraged to pursue part-
time
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jobs
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 in every country. The importance of firsthand experience should not be underestimated.

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task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the issue and providing a clear stance in favor of encouraging teenagers to take part-time jobs. To further enrich the task response, consider providing additional examples or statistics to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay is very well-structured, with clear and logical progression between introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To make it even better, ensure that transitions between ideas within paragraphs are equally smooth.
task achievement
The essay presents a well-rounded discussion and clearly states the author's opinion while maintaining a balanced analysis. This demonstrates a complete response to the task.
task achievement
The ideas are clearly presented and well-developed, showing clear and comprehensive thought processes.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph has a logical flow and is connected to the next, which makes the essay easy to follow and understand.
coherence cohesion
Both an introduction and conclusion are present, and they effectively encapsulate the main points of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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