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Band 5

In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think he advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #people #smartphone
A common trend occurring frequently around the globe in all facets of society is everyone all have their private
smartphone
.
While
 the immediate sway towards owning one would be
the
Correct article usage
apply
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convenience, the inevitable drawbacks of
time
 and poor health greatly outweigh the upside. One of the focal disadvantages of owning a phone
would be
Wrong verb form
is
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the
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apply
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health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
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 issues. Those who
cannot
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do not
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 have an ability to control themselves can overly spend
time
 using
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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 which tend to forget about taking care of their body, both physically and mentally. On the physical side, if
people
 cannot manage their
time
 to use
Add an article
the phone
a phone
show examples
phone
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phones
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, it will lead to sleep problems, reduced physical fitness, unhealthy eating habits, pain and migraines, reduced cognitive control and changes in the brain's
gray
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grey
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 matter volume.
Likewise
,
people
's mental strength can be noticeably affected as well from difficulties in cognitive-emotion regulation, impulsivity, impaired cognitive function, addiction to social networking, shyness and low self-esteem. Another negative aspect of owning a
smartphone
 would be the distance it bridges between family
,
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 or even friends.
In other words
,
if
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on some
occasion
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occasions
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,
people
 just hold their phones
on
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in
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 hand which
allowing
Wrong verb form
allows
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 little to no
time
 and connection with different
people
.
This
 scenario can be witnessed everywhere, with children growing up to adults.
However
, in some cases,
smartphone
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smartphones
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 can increase productivity and efficiency in communication, connect everybody from all over the world together and
build
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apply
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strengthen the way
people
 from far
distance
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distances
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 interact with each other. In conclusion, despite the benefits
from
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of
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 convenience or
connect
Wrong verb form
connecting
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 easily, the drawbacks of possessing a
smartphone
 can
be
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greatly impact one's personal life if not managed well, from health to
relationship
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relationships
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 in society.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. While your logical structure is mostly consistent, think about using your introduction to accurately paraphrase the question and clearly state your position.
task achievement
Your essay's main points should be well-developed and expanded upon with specific examples. This essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages, with relevant examples to support your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant access
  • real-time updates
  • portable offices
  • emergency services
  • social media
  • navigation
  • cybersecurity
  • screen time
  • digital detox
  • environmental footprint
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