IN TODAY'S WORLD MANY PEOPLE OWN A SMARTPHONE . DO YOU THINK THE ADVANTAGES OF OWNING A SMARTPHONE OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES
Nowadays,
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
is
necessary and Correct subject-verb agreement
are
people
always hang them nearby . Use synonyms
Smartphones
help Use synonyms
people
to do anything easily and Use synonyms
people
can Use synonyms
use
them anytime or anywhere.But USING MORE SMARTPHONE HAS A BIG NEGATIVE EFFECT ON Use synonyms
PEOPLE
HEALTH. THEY HAVE A HEACHACHE AND EFFECT ON THEIR EYES.
IN THE MODERN WORLD , Use synonyms
PEOPLE
DO MORE Use synonyms
WORK
ON THE INTERNET AND THEY THINK Use synonyms
SMARTPHONES
ARE CONVENIENT TO Use synonyms
USE
THE INTERNET EASILY. STUDYING, RESEARCHING OR Use synonyms
WORK
, WHICH NEED ON THEIR Use synonyms
WORK
AND IT HAVE TO BE FINISHED ON Use synonyms
TIME
SO Use synonyms
PEOPLE
CHOOSE TO Use synonyms
USE
Use synonyms
SMARTPHONES
TO DO Use synonyms
THIS
Linking Words
WORK
.THEY CAN DO THEIR Use synonyms
WORK
ON ANYWHERE AND ANYTIME. GETTING IN TOUCH WITH SOMEONE IS NECESSARY TOO . Use synonyms
FOR EXAMPLE
, IF THEIR FRIENDS OR THEIR FAMILY LIVE SO FAR FROM THEIR HOUSE , THEY CAN Linking Words
USE
THE PHONE TO CALL A VIDEO, HAVE A MESSAGE OR CONTACT THEM.
Use synonyms
ON THE OTHER HAND
, USING MORE Linking Words
SMARTPHONES
FOR A LONG Use synonyms
TIME
HAS A BIG NEGATIVE EFFECT ON Use synonyms
PEOPLE
'S HEALTH. THEIR EYES WILL BE WEAK AND MORE Use synonyms
PEOPLE
WILL GET GLASSES IN THE FUTURE. MORE Use synonyms
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
USE
Use synonyms
SMARTPHONES
TOO MUCH AND THEY DO NOT TAKE CARE OF THEIRSELF AND THEIR FAMILIES. Use synonyms
FOR EXAMPLE
, IN VIETNAM , MORE Linking Words
PEOPLE
ARE EASY TO CROSS WITH SOMETHING OR SOMEBODY AND THEY DO NOT WORRY ABOUT THE NEWS OR Use synonyms
PEOPLE
WHO LIVE NEARBY, THEY DO NOT TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES AND CAUSE INJURY TO OTHERS.
IN CONCLUSION, Use synonyms
SMARTPHONES
ARE NECESSARY FOR MODERN LIFE AND THEY MAKE THE EARTH GROW BUT Use synonyms
PEOPLE
NEED TO Use synonyms
USE
THEM TO FIT IN WITH MORE SITUATIONS. I THINK , Use synonyms
PEOPLE
SHOULD DECREASE THEIR Use synonyms
TIME
USING Use synonyms
SMARTPHONES
AND SPEND MORE Use synonyms
TIME
WITH THEIR FAMILIES AND THEIRSELF.Use synonyms
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task achievement
Task response: Your essay responds to the task, indicating that smartphones are necessary yet can have detrimental effects on health. However, your argument could be improved with more explicit discussion on the advantages versus the disadvantages to directly address the comparative nature of the question. Ensure that you provide a balanced comparison that reflects the prompt more precisely.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a simple structure that somewhat aids in understanding, but there are issues with the overuse of capitalization and lack of clear topic sentences that introduce main points. You should focus on proper sentence structure, punctuation, and varied paragraphing techniques to improve the flow and readability. Introduction and conclusion are present but could be more developed in terms of summarizing key arguments and restating your position clearly.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?