IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

IN TODAY'S WORLD MANY PEOPLE OWN A SMARTPHONE . DO YOU THINK THE ADVANTAGES OF OWNING A SMARTPHONE OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES

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Nowadays,
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 necessary and
people
Use synonyms
 always hang them nearby .
Smartphones
Use synonyms
 help
people
Use synonyms
 to do anything easily and
people
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 can
use
Use synonyms
 them anytime or anywhere.But USING MORE SMARTPHONE HAS A BIG NEGATIVE EFFECT ON
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 HEALTH. THEY HAVE A HEACHACHE AND EFFECT ON THEIR EYES. IN THE MODERN WORLD ,
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 DO MORE
WORK
Use synonyms
 ON THE INTERNET AND THEY THINK
SMARTPHONES
Use synonyms
 ARE CONVENIENT TO
USE
Use synonyms
 THE INTERNET EASILY. STUDYING, RESEARCHING OR
WORK
Use synonyms
 , WHICH NEED ON THEIR
WORK
Use synonyms
 AND IT HAVE TO BE FINISHED ON
TIME
Use synonyms
 SO
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 CHOOSE TO
USE
Use synonyms
SMARTPHONES
Use synonyms
 TO DO
THIS
Linking Words
WORK
Use synonyms
.THEY CAN DO THEIR
WORK
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 ON ANYWHERE AND ANYTIME. GETTING IN TOUCH WITH SOMEONE IS NECESSARY TOO .
FOR EXAMPLE
Linking Words
 , IF THEIR FRIENDS OR THEIR FAMILY LIVE SO FAR FROM THEIR HOUSE , THEY CAN
USE
Use synonyms
 THE PHONE TO CALL A VIDEO, HAVE A MESSAGE OR CONTACT THEM.
ON THE OTHER HAND
Linking Words
, USING MORE
SMARTPHONES
Use synonyms
 FOR A LONG
TIME
Use synonyms
 HAS A BIG NEGATIVE EFFECT ON
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
'S HEALTH. THEIR EYES WILL BE WEAK AND MORE
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 WILL GET GLASSES IN THE FUTURE. MORE
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
USE
Use synonyms
SMARTPHONES
Use synonyms
 TOO MUCH AND THEY DO NOT TAKE CARE OF THEIRSELF AND THEIR FAMILIES.
FOR EXAMPLE
Linking Words
, IN VIETNAM , MORE
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 ARE EASY TO CROSS WITH SOMETHING OR SOMEBODY AND THEY DO NOT WORRY ABOUT THE NEWS OR
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 WHO LIVE NEARBY, THEY DO NOT TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES AND CAUSE INJURY TO OTHERS. IN CONCLUSION,
SMARTPHONES
Use synonyms
 ARE NECESSARY FOR MODERN LIFE AND THEY MAKE THE EARTH GROW BUT
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 NEED TO
USE
Use synonyms
 THEM TO FIT IN WITH MORE SITUATIONS. I THINK ,
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 SHOULD DECREASE THEIR
TIME
Use synonyms
 USING
SMARTPHONES
Use synonyms
 AND SPEND MORE
TIME
Use synonyms
 WITH THEIR FAMILIES AND THEIRSELF.

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task achievement
Task response: Your essay responds to the task, indicating that smartphones are necessary yet can have detrimental effects on health. However, your argument could be improved with more explicit discussion on the advantages versus the disadvantages to directly address the comparative nature of the question. Ensure that you provide a balanced comparison that reflects the prompt more precisely.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a simple structure that somewhat aids in understanding, but there are issues with the overuse of capitalization and lack of clear topic sentences that introduce main points. You should focus on proper sentence structure, punctuation, and varied paragraphing techniques to improve the flow and readability. Introduction and conclusion are present but could be more developed in terms of summarizing key arguments and restating your position clearly.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant access
  • real-time updates
  • portable offices
  • emergency services
  • social media
  • navigation
  • cybersecurity
  • screen time
  • digital detox
  • environmental footprint
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