IN TODAY'S WORLD MANY PEOPLE OWN A SMARTPHONE . DO YOU THINK THE ADVANTAGES OF OWNING A SMARTPHONE OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES
Nowadays,
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
is
necessary and Correct subject-verb agreement
are
people
always hang them nearby . Smartphones
help people
to do anything easily and people
can use
them anytime or anywhere.But USING MORE SMARTPHONE HAS A BIG NEGATIVE EFFECT ON PEOPLE
HEALTH. THEY HAVE A HEACHACHE AND EFFECT ON THEIR EYES.
IN THE MODERN WORLD , PEOPLE
DO MORE WORK
ON THE INTERNET AND THEY THINK SMARTPHONES
ARE CONVENIENT TO USE
THE INTERNET EASILY. STUDYING, RESEARCHING OR WORK
, WHICH NEED ON THEIR WORK
AND IT HAVE TO BE FINISHED ON TIME
SO PEOPLE
CHOOSE TO USE
SMARTPHONES
TO DO THIS
WORK
.THEY CAN DO THEIR WORK
ON ANYWHERE AND ANYTIME. GETTING IN TOUCH WITH SOMEONE IS NECESSARY TOO . FOR EXAMPLE
, IF THEIR FRIENDS OR THEIR FAMILY LIVE SO FAR FROM THEIR HOUSE , THEY CAN USE
THE PHONE TO CALL A VIDEO, HAVE A MESSAGE OR CONTACT THEM.
ON THE OTHER HAND
, USING MORE SMARTPHONES
FOR A LONG TIME
HAS A BIG NEGATIVE EFFECT ON PEOPLE
'S HEALTH. THEIR EYES WILL BE WEAK AND MORE PEOPLE
WILL GET GLASSES IN THE FUTURE. MORE PEOPLE
USE
SMARTPHONES
TOO MUCH AND THEY DO NOT TAKE CARE OF THEIRSELF AND THEIR FAMILIES. FOR EXAMPLE
, IN VIETNAM , MORE PEOPLE
ARE EASY TO CROSS WITH SOMETHING OR SOMEBODY AND THEY DO NOT WORRY ABOUT THE NEWS OR PEOPLE
WHO LIVE NEARBY, THEY DO NOT TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES AND CAUSE INJURY TO OTHERS.
IN CONCLUSION, SMARTPHONES
ARE NECESSARY FOR MODERN LIFE AND THEY MAKE THE EARTH GROW BUT PEOPLE
NEED TO USE
THEM TO FIT IN WITH MORE SITUATIONS. I THINK , PEOPLE
SHOULD DECREASE THEIR TIME
USING SMARTPHONES
AND SPEND MORE TIME
WITH THEIR FAMILIES AND THEIRSELF.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Task response: Your essay responds to the task, indicating that smartphones are necessary yet can have detrimental effects on health. However, your argument could be improved with more explicit discussion on the advantages versus the disadvantages to directly address the comparative nature of the question. Ensure that you provide a balanced comparison that reflects the prompt more precisely.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a simple structure that somewhat aids in understanding, but there are issues with the overuse of capitalization and lack of clear topic sentences that introduce main points. You should focus on proper sentence structure, punctuation, and varied paragraphing techniques to improve the flow and readability. Introduction and conclusion are present but could be more developed in terms of summarizing key arguments and restating your position clearly.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?