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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Currently there is a trend towards the use of alternative forms of medicine. However, at best these method are ineffective, and at worst that may be dangerous. To what extent did you agree with this statement.

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Today, the development of other shapes of
treatment
Use synonyms
 had been increased which is most of those causing hazardous and unsuccessful effects. In fact, I strongly agreed that
people
Use synonyms
 should avoid the
alternative
Use synonyms
 shapes of
treatment
Use synonyms
 for two main reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, many alternatives therapy
executant
Use synonyms
 are not certificated by government. We know that government only make a professional of health to
people
Use synonyms
 who already finish some exams or course related to health. To illustrate, when we go to the
alternative
Use synonyms
treatment
Use synonyms
, sometimes the
executant
Use synonyms
 will give
advice
Use synonyms
 that not same with the professionals . Not only those
advice
Use synonyms
 make
people
Use synonyms
 confussed, but it
also
Linking Words
 sometimes that can be pointed not to the
people
Use synonyms
 sickness,
moreover
Linking Words
 it can make
people
Use synonyms
 condition to be more painful than before when they doing that
advice
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
advice
Use synonyms
 from
executant
Use synonyms
 of
alternative
Use synonyms
 treatments should clarified firsst from professionals to make it believed.
Secondly
Linking Words
, when we go to the
alternative
Use synonyms
treatment
Use synonyms
, the
executant
Use synonyms
 will give
medicine
Use synonyms
 or drugs which are not in certain dose.
Although
Linking Words
 that might cheaper than the official, those can bring a negative impact. If the
medicine
Use synonyms
 not in certain dose,
people
Use synonyms
 will go down more time to rest. To illustrate, when children given high dose of
medicine
Use synonyms
, it can be a harmful to them.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
medicine
Use synonyms
 from alternatives should be identified first before
people
Use synonyms
 going to buy that which is needed some money to do that. In conclusion, some
alternative
Use synonyms
 treatments might have a executor that not having a certificate from government,
although
Linking Words
 that cheaper than official
treatment
Use synonyms
. I,
therefore
Linking Words
, remain firmly convinced that
people
Use synonyms
 should not going to
alternative
Use synonyms
 treatments when they are unwell.

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, maintaining a clear and cohesive sequence.
task achievement
Enhance your main points with more specific examples and details to make your arguments more compelling. This will strengthen your task achievement score.
task achievement
Improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Use more precise language and mix longer, complex sentences with shorter, simpler ones to make your essay easier to read and understand.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which help frame your arguments nicely.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant to the topic and provide a clear stance on the issue.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task appropriately and maintains a clear position throughout.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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