IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

in today's wolrd many people own a smartphone. do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantage?

#wolrd #people #smartphone
Nowadays, many individuals have a
smartphone
 for them and
also
 outweigh it.
This
 statement
agreed
Wrong verb form
agrees
show examples
 and will give some props and
nons
Correct your spelling
nouns
 to
evident
Replace the word
evidence
show examples
 and explain
this
 essay. the advantage of
outweigh
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
smartphone
 is convenient.
This
 means,
when
Correct word choice
that when
show examples
 you research
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
buying something, you can use
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
smartphone
 to do it.
Moreover
, it can avoid
make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 people angry that you always borrow their phones.
Thus
, owning a
smartphone
 can
be tackled
Wrong verb form
tackle
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 problems currently. What is more, having
smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
show examples
outweigh
Verb problem
apply
show examples
is useful. If you study or work far from home and family, you will contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them by
install
Change the verb form
installing
show examples
 many apps which can help them to
gathering
Change the verb form
gather
show examples
 with family.
Thus
,
Add an article
the smartphone
a smartphone
show examples
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 can solve
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
quick
Change the word
quickly
show examples
 and faster than using
yourself
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
 tackle.
However
, some people believe that having
smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
show examples
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
show examples
 will be depended on it.
This
 view can be explained that they could be passive
to solve
Change preposition
in solving
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 when they do not have a
smartphone
. What is more, they can spend more time using it
instead
 of going out to do some activities with friends and neighbours.
Moreover
,
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 relationship with their family will be limited. That means
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they are so busy
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 mobile
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
work, they can not eat together and
also
 share anything they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
occured
Correct your spelling
doing
.
Thus
, people can
addicton
Correct your spelling
addicted
Change preposition
to smartphone
show examples
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 and have some negative
thinking
Replace the word
thoughts
show examples
 when they use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 so much.
Change preposition
In inconclusion
show examples
inconclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
show examples
, there are many benefits and drawbacks of having
smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
show examples
outweigh
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. To control of using it correctly, you should have
balance
Correct article usage
a balance
show examples
time
Change preposition
of time
show examples
 and limited of owning a
smartphone
outweigh
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction fails to clearly paraphrase the question to present a clear thesis statement. It should clearly introduce the topic and state whether the advantages or disadvantages are predominant according to your view.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is expanded upon with relevant details and examples. Avoid vague statements and focus on specificity to enhance the clarity of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve the use of a logical structure by organizing your ideas into clear, cohesive paragraphs with topic sentences, supporting sentences, and concluding sentences where appropriate.
coherence cohesion
Make sure there is a clear introduction and conclusion. Your conclusion should restate your main points and thesis, not introduce new ideas or topics.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: