IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweight the disadvangtages?

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Nowadays,almost
people
Correct determiner usage
all people
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
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 used to
Use synonyms
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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. Because
Use synonyms
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
is
Verb problem
apply
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an essential human
object
Fix the agreement mistake
objects
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 for communication and work. But spending a large amount of time using
Use synonyms
smartphone
Add an article
a smartphone
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 can lead to health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss its advantages and
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
advangtages
Correct your spelling
advantages
advantage
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem. On the one hand,
Use synonyms
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 help
search
Correct pronoun usage
us search
show examples
Change preposition
for everythings
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everythings
Correct your spelling
everything
 which we find.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 us in our work
such
Linking Words
 as contact, chat,
email
Correct word choice
and email
show examples
 to support
we
Correct pronoun usage
our
show examples
 work. Teenagers can learn many things regarding their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, we can relax
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
on the
smartphone
Use synonyms
 after a day of studying and working.
Due to
Linking Words
 we have
possitive
Correct your spelling
positive
 energy in the afternoon.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some teenagers
such
Linking Words
 as students are
playing
Wrong verb form
play
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game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
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insted
Correct your spelling
instead
 of
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
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, studying is getting worse and worse, sometimes I don't want to study. They spend time on
Use synonyms
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 playing games which increases health diseases
such
Linking Words
 as obesity,
Correct word choice
and eyes
show examples
eyes
Change the noun form
eye
show examples
 problems.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 conclusion, everybody has a mobile phone. It has advantages
such
Linking Words
 as
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 information to the students regarding studies. It has
also
Linking Words
 many disadvantages
such
Linking Words
 as using an excess mobile phone can lead to obesity. So we should allocate reasonable time between watching the phone and working.

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structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each of these should serve a specific purpose within the essay, with the introduction setting the scene for the argument, the body presenting the advantages and disadvantages in separate paragraphs, and the conclusion summarizing the argument and giving a clear opinion or recommendation.
cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices effectively to manage the logical progression of information throughout the essay. This includes linking words and phrases for contrasting points (however, on the other hand, although, etc.), sequencing ideas (firstly, secondly, finally, etc.), and referencing ideas (this, such, it refers to, etc.).
support
Ensure that each main point in your argument is adequately supported by specific examples or explanations. Avoid general statements that do not substantiate the arguments made. Use relevant examples to illustrate each advantage and disadvantage you discuss.
task response
Address all parts of the task adequately, ensuring that the essay responds to the question fully by discussing both advantages and disadvantages and concluding with a clear opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The answer must be relevant and fully expanded upon.
clarity
Strive for clarity and simplicity in your writing to ensure that your ideas are comprehensible and straightforward. Avoid overly complex or unclear sentences that could confuse the reader or obscure the meaning of your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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