IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

in today's world many people own a smartphone. do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, almost people around the world all possess
one
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 or more than
one
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smartphone
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. The writer of
this
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 essay believes that despite our people owning a
smartphone
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, the
benefits
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 offered greatly outweigh any and all drawbacks. Having a
smartphone
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 has several advantages,
one
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 of which is that it may support your child's education. Your child's education can benefit from your cell
phone
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 in a number of ways. They can
use
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 it to access necessary information about any topic or subject they want on the available internet Not only
this
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, the student can even have interactive educational videos or play some video games to
improving
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improve
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 their critical thinking
as well as
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use
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 applications. They can easily and effectively search the internet for any topic.
Furthermore
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, online payment is
one
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 of the best
benefits
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 that using a crude
phone
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 extract brings. You can
use
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 it to pay your bill went you go to a restaurant or go shopping without carrying your purse. Because in
this
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 day and age, all types of smartphones have banking features or applications to be able to pay online without using cash.
For example
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, when you
use
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 an iPhone from Apple, you can
use
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 Apple Pay to abate all your funds. Owning a
phone
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 and using it for pay is very convenient. Despite the many
benefits
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 of owning a
smartphone
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, we still cannot deny the negatives that it brings to our health. Using a
phone
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 for a long time can make your eyes become weaker and maybe can make you feel tired. As an example, there are many articles that say that using mobile phones for a long time can make our eyes weak and gradually develop eye diseases. In my opinion, the impact on health is the biggest drawback of owning
the
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a
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phone
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. In conclusion, the
benefits
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 of possessing a
phone
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 provided much exceed any and all disadvantages.

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure needs improvement. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and subsequent sentences that coherently support that main idea. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs should be fluid to guide the reader smoothly through your argument.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, but they can be better developed. The introduction should more clearly state the topic and your position. The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your position, providing a thoughtful end to the essay without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Main points need clearer support with specific examples and a more in-depth exploration. Use concrete evidence or anecdotes to illustrate your points, which would help substantiate your argument and make it more persuasive.
task achievement
To completely respond to the task, ensure that you address both the advantages and disadvantages of smartphone ownership in a balanced manner. Additionally, make a reasoned argument about why one outweighs the other, providing specific examples and thorough analysis.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on your ideas to enhance understanding. For example, when discussing the educational benefits of smartphones, delve into how specific applications can enhance learning or offer examples of educational success stories facilitated by smartphones.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your claims. For instance, reference studies or statistics when discussing the health impacts of smartphone use, to lend credibility to your argument and make it more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant access
  • real-time updates
  • portable offices
  • emergency services
  • social media
  • navigation
  • cybersecurity
  • screen time
  • digital detox
  • environmental footprint
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