Some people think that public health is the responsibility of the goverment, while others think that people should be responsible for their own health. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some individuals believe that health care must be guaranteed by the
State
for all citizens,
while
others retain that it is in charge of the single person. So,
this
essay will explore both perspectives and ultimately conclude that at least a minimum level of public health should be assured for everybody. On the one hand, it is difficult to be aware of all the exams and the medicines to take in case of an illness. To give a clear example, only a few people are doctors or involved in the healthcare sector.
Consequently
, the great majority of individuals should be assisted by a specialist.
Moreover
, the exorbitant high price of treatments is well-known. To illustrate
this
, imagine a young person working at the minimum wage struggling to stay afloat, who is requesting an innovative cure for a rare disease. So, without public assistance, it would be impossible.
On the other hand
, the government cannot guarantee each and every desire of its inhabitants.
For example
, expenditures for alternative treatments could overcome the
state
budget.
In addition
, some extra exams and not-useful visits should be requested by misinformed or unsure people. Take
for example
somebody who wants the opinion of several doctors before deciding on the following actions to take. In summary,
while
some
state
that all our healthcare is in charge of our
State
, others underline that the government cannot afford
such
a large expense on a single sector. In my opinion, it is fundamental to give access to all citizens to the primary cures and medicines. Despite that, I recognise that it is not fair
asking
Wrong verb form
to ask
show examples
our government to cover all the expenses connected to
this
field.
Submitted by giuliarighetti on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction sets the topic adequately but could be improved through greater clarity and complexity in sentence structure. Aim for a strong thesis statement clearly presenting the essay's direction.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more extensively and provide more detailed examples to support your points, ensuring that each paragraph presents a clear and distinct idea for greater task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Greater use of cohesive devices such as transitional phrases would improve the flow of your essay. Work on ensuring paragraphs link smoothly from one to the next to maintain coherence.
coherence cohesion
It is important that your conclusion summarises the main points of the essay, including your own opinion, without introducing new information. Ensure that it clearly reflects the discussion within the body paragraphs and ties up all arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
For a higher score, vary your sentence structure and vocabulary to demonstrate linguistic range and accuracy. Avoid repetition of phrases and ensure correct use of articles and prepositions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: