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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Test 4 In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Within certain societies, children are frequently heard that they can accomplish anything through
a
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apply
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hard
work
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. The main benefits of
this
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 are a productive
child
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 and a foster reliance;
however
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, the
keys
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key
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of
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apply
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drawbacks are
un realistic
Correct your spelling
unrealistic
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 expectations and
impact
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the impact
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of
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on
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 mental health. Instilling the belief that children can achieve their dreams with
a
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apply
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hard
work
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 helps children to be productive and be able to complete their tasks. Striving for a goal and seeing positive results that will encourage the
child
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 to do more and try to achieve more goals.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 will promote the independence of the
child
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. Once a
child
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 starts learning how to
work
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 harder that would develop the
child
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's skills
such
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 as responsibility and management.
For example
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, the famous writer Tomas
jake
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Jake
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 used to write short stories and sell them
for
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to
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 his school friends.
However
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, if one blindly follows their dreams, they can become deluded.
This
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 is because they can build unshakeable belief in themselves which is not rooted in reality. Another disadvantage is that could affect
on
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apply
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their mental health badly. Sometimes hard
work
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put
Wrong verb form
puts
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 the
child
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 under pressure which may cause anxiety and depression.
For instance
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, in
Japan
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Japan,
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 suicide increased
around
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by around
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 70% because school students have many challenges
subjects
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in subjects
show examples
 that they should achieve. In conclusion, sending the message to a
child
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 that they can be anything they set in their minds can be very positive things because it helps the
child
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 to be more productive and build an independent
child
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.
However
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, it should be rooted
to
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in
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 reality to avoid
self- delusion
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self-delusion
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 and impact the
child
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's mental health.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a specific main point and be well-connected to the others.
coherence cohesion
Provide more detailed and pertinent examples to support your arguments. Examples should be clearly linked to the main points and enhance the argument.
task achievement
It is essential to cover all parts of the task. Ensure you address both advantages and disadvantages equally and expand on them with clear explanations and examples.
task achievement
Improve the clarity and development of your ideas. Each point should be explained comprehensively and should naturally lead to the next.
coherence cohesion
Work on more accurate and varied sentence structures to enhance the overall readability and flow of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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