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Band 6.5

Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate, and give your personal view.

#people #animals #captivity #zoos #humans #debate
Nurturing
animals
 in captives has always been an issue for a lot of people.
However
, certain groups believe that there are advantages for both the
animals
 and humans provided by it. I personally think that keeping the
animals
 in captivity, in most cases, is helping the
animals
. It is mostly known that
animals
 in the zoo seem quiet as if they are stressful. Unlike being in the wilderness, where they can explore and enjoy the jungle, in the zoo, they have very limited space to go to and find entertainment for themselves. In most zoos, all of the
animals
 are divided into sectors, isolated from other species, which forces them to live in a homogeneous environment. The lack of variety in the block could lead to boredom, especially if it happens in the long term. Despite the flatness that the
animals
 need to endure, living in captives has a higher life expectancy compared to one who lives in the jungle. The certainty of always getting fed and less hunt or to-be-hunt scenario are the main factors. Scheduled mealtime provided, not only eliminates the possibility of starvation but
also
 removes the duty to find living stocks,
thus
 leaving the possibility of being preyed by others from the higher food chain.
In addition
, a lot of the endangered species have been rescued and
then
 put into sanctuaries to shelter them from poachers. Having
animals
 in reserves helps a lot of people to see them first-hand in safety, as not everyone is willing to survive the wildlife for the same thing.
To conclude
, keeping the
animals
 in captivity provides more benefits to their life expectancy,
although
 it could lead to boredom in the long run.
Submitted by ariefaryadi383 on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic, but the arguments could be more fully developed. More detailed examples and a deeper exploration of the impact of captivity on animals' psychological welfare are needed.
coherence cohesion
Consider introducing a wider range of connective words and phrases to improve the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
Be sure to directly address the task of discussing both sides of the debate. While both views are considered, the opposing view against zoos could be given more thorough coverage to demonstrate a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a clear topic sentence in each paragraph and ensure all subsequent sentences support that main idea. This will strengthen the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
In the conclusion, aim to not only summarize the points made but also clearly state your own stance on the issue, as the prompt requires your personal view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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