Many famous sports players advertise sports products. Do the advantages of their outweighs the disadvantages?

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Nowadays
sports
products are widely advertised by many famous
sports
players is a deeply controversial topic. From my perspective , advertising products by
well known
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well-known
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athletes will be beneficial, because it can promote
Correct your spelling
business
bussiness
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business
related to
sports
and will attract young minds to indulge in
sports
activities , at the same time , it will be
non beneficial
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non-beneficial
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to actors and models
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, and the content should be organized into clear paragraphs with topic sentences. It fails to present a balanced view or a clear opinion throughout, which affects the logical structure.
task achievement
Work on developing your main points with specific examples and explanations to support your argument. Each point you make should be elaborated upon with clear reasoning or evidence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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