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Writing Samples
Band 6

The main graphs show the main sources of energy in the USA in 1980 and 1990

The main graphs show the main sources of energy in the USA in 1980 and 1990
#graphs #show #sources #energy #usa
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The two pie charts provide information about
USA’s
Correct article usage
the USA’s
show examples
 main
source
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 from 1980 to 1990.
Overall
Linking Words
, Oil made up the largest
source
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 in the USA,
while
Linking Words
 hydroelectric
power
Use synonyms
 and nuclear
power
Use synonyms
 were the least in the 10-year
period
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, Oil and natural gas experienced a decrease,
whereas
Linking Words
 coal and nuclear
power
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased. In 1980, that major
source
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 was oil accounted for 42%,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
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 it fell significantly to 33%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
, but it remained the main
source
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 for
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, Natural gas made up 26% of the
energy
Use synonyms
 sources at the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
, and it dropped to 25% in 1990.
Whereas
Linking Words
, hydroelectric
power
Use synonyms
 remained constant throughout the
period
Use synonyms
 at 5%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, coal made up less than one quarter as a
source
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 in 1980, but it rose by 5% in 1990 making it the second main
source
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 in the USA reaching 27%.
Although
Linking Words
 nuclear
power
Use synonyms
 was one of the least
energy
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
source
Change to a plural noun
sources
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 in 1980, it experienced a rise to 10%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the given
period
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dana-sh on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, however, whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words source, energy, power, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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