People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our lives generally more comfortable, but many traditional values and customs have been lost and this is a pity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In these
Change preposition
These
current
days, many Correct word choice
apply
people
spend the majority of their time to earn
money Change the verb form
earning
for spending
more on many things. Change preposition
to spend
While
most traditional values and customs
are neglect
Wrong verb form
neglected
even
have been lost, Correct word choice
and even
this
trend has made human life more comfortable. In my point of view, I totally agree since human lives should improve to be better comparing yesterday and the
several reasons will be described in Correct article usage
apply
this
essay.
To begin
, people
have personal expenditure on few
items in their lives as a Correct article usage
a few
self-reward
after the hard work has been done. Self-reward can lead to Correct your spelling
reward
butterfly
effect that gains workers still on fire and Add an article
a butterfly
also
spinning the money to create new income. For instance
, spending the revenue in
technology items Change preposition
on
such
as transportations
, digital devices, and house amenities that Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
well-known
promote quality of life to support Correct word choice
apply
the
productivity Correct article usage
apply
on
working Change preposition
in
also
cozy home. In addition
, hard work to saving
money for creating new business is one of the best techniques to be Wrong verb form
save
welfare
person, Correct article usage
a welfare
more
income more happier. Change preposition
with more
In other words
, the income can be useful to build people
happiness, Change noun form
people's
such
as donate it
, Wrong verb form
donating
use
for travelling, and many Wrong verb form
using
positive
things again.
Correct word choice
other positive
As a result
, citizens start to leave their customs
and the values which are still needed as an identity and culture because of consumer habit
. In my humble opinion, those Fix the agreement mistake
habits
are
must be prevented in every region by Unnecessary verb
apply
provide
a place to keep every single item of the Change the form of the verb
providing
customs
, unless the customs
and values probably cannot be applied in society over and over again as the habit
and Fix the agreement mistake
habits
circumstance
have changed over the period. Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
Moreover
, as a mankind, flexibility is needed based on the demand at the moment.
To conclude
, the benefit on
temporary style in society Change preposition
of
as
for improving life’s quality has been leading Change preposition
apply
people
to leave their traditional behavior
and Change the spelling
behaviour
customs
. That is
why the traditional things should be prevented as identity in that place and for future generations.Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
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task achievement
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task achievement
Improve the use of clear and comprehensive ideas in your writing. Ensure that your main ideas are thoroughly explained and analyzed rather than just stated.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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