The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use
The early chart depicts how Australia consumes average
energy
. The further
chart illustrates the gas
emission
effect of the greenhouse as the result of that energy
use.
Overall
, in the beginning, most energy
was used for heating purposes. While
water heating produces the most greenhouse gas
emissions. Whereas
, in both cooling is less involved.
In the beginning, Australian families used 42% energy
for heating purposes which is the highest energy
that is
used. Further
, they are using 30% energy
for water heating which is 2nd highest. After that, they consume 7% of energy
for refrigeration or 15% of energy
consumed for other appliances. Lastly
, they are using 4 % energy
for lighting and 2% for cooling which is the lowest ratio
.
Additionally
, the heating produces 15% gas
emissions. While
water heating generates 32% of gas
emissions. This
is the highest ratio
of gas
emission
crop. In addition
, the refrigeration outcomes of 14% gass emission
and other appliances produce 28% gass emission
which is the 2nd highest ratio
. In conclusion, lighting generates 8% gas
emission
and cooling produces 3% gas
emission
which is the lowest ratio
.Submitted by shaheryarahmedat on
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further, while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, gas, emission, ratio with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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