IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In today's world, many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #people #smartphone
In
this
 modern society, smartphones have become an essential device for
people
's lives and it is a common thing that each person has their own one.
This
 author believes that the benefits of convenience and staying updated outweigh the drawbacks of an isolated community. The main advantage of a smartphone is its convenience. By
this
, I mean that
people
 can easily find help when they get into trouble by using phones to connect with others for assistance.
For instance
, a person who suddenly has a heart attack on a bus or in a public place can be moved to the nearest hospital by contacting the emergency medical room.
Besides
, it
also
be
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 recognised that the public will stay updated earlier when using smartphones.
In other words
, dwellers can receive new information anytime and everywhere so that
people
 can update the news around them.
However
, an isolated community is one of the problems that smartphone brings to humans. Phone addiction is a thing that many individuals encounter these days.
People
 even stare at their phones for over an hour without concentrating on everything around them. The public is getting isolated and neglect among
people
 creates distance making the community relationships loosen. Taking all points into account, the benefits of owning a smartphone outweigh the convenience and staying updated.
Hence
, every modern person should have their own phone to keep track of
this
 digital era.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas within paragraphs are logically connected. This will improve the cohesion and coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introductory paragraph with a thesis statement that outlines the main advantages and disadvantages you will discuss. Similarly, include a concluding sentence or paragraph that summarises your argument and restates your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Provide more detailed support and development for your main points. Use examples, explanations, and reasons to demonstrate why you believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
task achievement
Aim to develop each body paragraph fully by exploring both sides of the argument. In the second paragraph, for example, expand on the idea of the isolated community and how it may affect personal interactions.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to support your points. Instead of making general statements, provide clear instances or evidence that showcases the advantages and disadvantages of smartphone ownership.
task achievement
The final paragraph should be a conclusion that effectively summarizes your essay and restates your main argument, rather than introducing new ideas or arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant access
  • real-time updates
  • portable offices
  • emergency services
  • social media
  • navigation
  • cybersecurity
  • screen time
  • digital detox
  • environmental footprint
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