In today's world, many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #people #smartphone

this

modern society,

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

becomes

Wrong verb form

have become

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an essential device for

people

Change noun form

people's

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life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

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and it is a common thing

when

Correct word choice

that

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each person

all have

Wrong verb form

has

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their own one.

This

authur

Correct your spelling

author

believes that the benefits of convenience and staying

update

Wrong verb form

updated

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outweigh the

drawback

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drawbacks

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isolated

Add an article

an isolated

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community. The main advantage of

smartphone

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a smartphone

show examples

is its convenience. By

this

Add a comma

this,

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I mean that

people

can easily find

any

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

help when they get into trouble by using

Correct pronoun usage

their phone

show examples

phone

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phones

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to connect with others for assistance.

For instance

, a person who suddenly has a heart attack

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a bus or in

public

Add an article

a public

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place can be moved to the nearest hospital by contacting

with

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apply

show examples

the emergency medical room.

Besides

, it

also

be recognised that the public will stay

update

Wrong verb form

updated

show examples

earlier when using

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

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. In other

word

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words

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, dwellers can receive new information anytime and everywhere so that

people

can update

news

Correct article usage

the news

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around them.

However

isolated

Correct article usage

an isolated

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community is one of the problems that

smartphone

brings to humans.

Phone

addicting

Replace the word

addiction

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is a thing that many individuals

encountered

Wrong verb form

encounter

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thesedays

Correct your spelling

these days

People

even stare at their

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

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for over an

hours

Correct the article-noun agreement

hour

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without

concentrate

Wrong verb form

concentrating

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on everything around them. The public is getting isolated and neglect among

people

create

Correct subject-verb agreement

creates

show examples

distance making the community relationships loosen. Taking all points into account, the benefits of owning a

smartphone

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

outweigh

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the convenience and staying

update

Wrong verb form

updated

show examples

Hence

, every modern

people

Fix the agreement mistake

person

show examples

should have their own

phone

to keep track of

this

digital era.

Submitted by [email protected] on Tue Jan 09 2024

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task response

Make sure your introduction clearly states your main argument and outlines the points you will discuss. Consider revising the first sentence for clarity. For example, you might say, 'In today's society, smartphones have become essential devices, and it is common for most people to own one. This essay will argue that the benefits of convenience and staying updated outweigh the drawbacks of an isolated community.'

coherence and cohesion

Ensure each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of that paragraph. This can help to improve the logical structure of your essay.

task response

Provide more detailed examples to support your points. Rather than just stating a general idea, include specific scenarios or data to enhance your argument.

coherence and cohesion

Work on connecting your points more smoothly. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument and help link different parts of your essay more effectively.

task response

Consider elaborating on the negative aspects of smartphones a bit more to provide a balanced view. This will strengthen your argument and provide a more comprehensive discussion.

task response

Your essay presents a clear stance, stating that the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages.

task response

You have identified relevant points such as convenience and staying updated, as well as the issue of isolated communities.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

231 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

instant access
real-time updates
portable offices
emergency services
social media
navigation
cybersecurity
screen time
digital detox
environmental footprint

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In today's world, many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that develop the mind, such as reading and doing crossword puzzles. Others feel that it is important to give one's mind a rest in leisure time. Discuss

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