At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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Currently, several countries around the world have significantly larger
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
of young people
over
Change preposition
than
show examples
older
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
. In my view, it is good for the
socity
Correct your spelling
society
which I will explain in
this
essay. Currently, several countries around the world have significantly larger
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
of young people
over
Change preposition
than
show examples
older
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
. In my view, it is good for the
socity
Correct your spelling
society
which I will explain in
this
essay.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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task achievement
The essay is severely underdeveloped and essentially consists of a single statement repeated twice. There is no clear exposition of arguments, examples, or conclusion provided.
coherence cohesion
The text lacks logical structure. It does not progress from introduction through main body to a conclusion. Both sentences are identical, which indicates a lack of coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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