Children of different ages and countries play computer games these days. Parents think these computer games have little educational value and have harmful effects on children. What is your opinion?

Nowadays, juveniles are in the clutches of electronic
games
reagrdless
Correct your spelling
regardless
age
Change preposition
of age
show examples
in several countries. There are often argued that computer
games
are detrimental to the children. I completely
agree
Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
show examples
this
view which I will explain in
this
essay. Nowadays, juveniles are in the clutches of electronic
games
reagrdless
Correct your spelling
regardless
age
Change preposition
of age
show examples
in several countries. There are often argued that computer
games
are detrimental to the children. I completely
agree
Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
show examples
this
view which I will explain in
this
essay.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks proper structure and the repetition of the introduction shows a significant issue with coherence. The essay should include an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, with each part clearly serving its purpose.
task achievement
The essay does not provide a complete response to the task as it simply restates the prompt without expanding on the ideas, offering arguments, or providing examples. It is necessary to express your opinion clearly and support it with relevant examples or arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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