Some people believe that arts such as painting and music do not improve people’s lives and therefore government should not spend money on them. Instead the government should spend money on science and technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
Some argue that
instead
of arts
field, the Correct article usage
the arts
government
should put more supports
on science and technology development, Fix the agreement mistake
support
arts
do not improve residents' living. I disagree with this
opinion.
Arts
such
as painting and music is
an essential Verb problem
apply
element
that can help Fix the agreement mistake
elements
maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintain
people
's mental health, so the government
should spend money
on it
. Correct pronoun usage
them
Although
,in Hong Kong, the arts
therapy industry is not well-developed, there Change the noun form
art
are
no lack of articles and research Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show
the benefit of Wrong verb form
showing
arts
therapy in different foreign countries. In the therapy process, the clients may talk to the therapist and do paintings Change the noun form
art
according to
their wants. They can relax and communicate with themselves to enhance their mental health. In addition
, music can be a way to express people
's emotion
. Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
However
, the government
spend less money
on them. Since arts
can maintain
Verb problem
help
people
to be mentally healthy, the government
should spend money
on developing them.
Emphrasing
on science and technology is the trend in Correct your spelling
Emphasizing
21st
century. Change the article
the 21st
However
, we cannot forget the important role of arts
in the
human history. The expert studying history Correct article usage
apply
need
to appreciate the artworks like the wall painting in the church in order to know more about the living Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
style
in the past. For the music, the lyrics always imply the living style
in
that generation. Change preposition
of
For example
, some Canton Pop songs in 1980s
let the new generation know lots of Hongkongers in the past Change the article
the 1980s
work
in local Wrong verb form
worked
factory
to produce plastic toys, watches, etc. The relationship between Fix the agreement mistake
factories
arts
and our lives is extremely close, no matter to
let us know about the past Correct word choice
whether to
iving
Correct your spelling
living
giving
style
or keep the current living to our
next generation. Change the word
the
Thus
, the government
should continue spending money
on arts
development.
To conclude
, arts
can benefit people
's mental health and show the living style
of different generations. It is precious
Correct article usage
a precious
treasures
of human Fix the agreement mistake
treasure
being
. Fix the agreement mistake
beings
Therefore
, the government
should use money
on Add an article
the money
the
Change to a genitive case
the development of the arts
the development of the art
arts
development.Submitted by asllchkied on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is developed logically. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs should guide the reader smoothly through your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction could more effectively paraphrase the task and clearly state your position. The conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and reiterate your stance.
task achievement
Support your main points with detailed and specific examples. This helps to illustrate your arguments and provides a richer response to the task.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. Make sure to include a discussion of both views if the question asks for them, and provide a clear opinion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.