Some people think that government should spend tax payers’ funds on cultural activities such as music or art. Others think this is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some
people
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think that
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government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
should spend
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tax payers’
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taxpayers’
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funds
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on cultural
activities
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such
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as
music
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or art. Others think
this
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is a waste of
money
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. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Every
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people
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person
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in a
country
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pays their
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tax
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taxes
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to the
government
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and some
people
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thinks
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think
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that
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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should spend
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tax
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
payers’
funds
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on different
activities
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such
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as
Entertaining
Replace the word
Entertainment
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activities
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(
music
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) or different
things
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like art. But most
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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thinks
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think
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that it is a waste of
money
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. I would like to discuss both views
from
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in
show examples
this
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essay and give my own opinion.
Firstly
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, I can say that spending
funds
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on cultural
activities
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such
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as
music
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and arts is
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
thing
to
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for
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the cultural industry. Governments should spend
money
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on these
activities
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to develop as a
country
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. Because younger students and
people
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will eventually get
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
these cultural
activities
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such
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as
music
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and arts. Not only that,
then
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this
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industry will develop day by day and it is good for
people
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like traditional musicians, traditional dancers and many more
people
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who
is
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are
show examples
related to cultural
things
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. Spending
money
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on these
activities
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mostly
give
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gives
show examples
benefits to school children too. For
an
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apply
show examples
example, nowadays lots of kids
attached
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are attached
show examples
with
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to
show examples
lots of studies and
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
too. Because of these
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things
Add a comma
things,
show examples
we can expect a downfall in cultural
activities
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. So if
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government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
spend
funds
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and
develop
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develops
show examples
these
things
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,
then
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student
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students
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also
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will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
experience those
things
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and they will
also
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used to
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be
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involve
Wrong verb form
involved
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to
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in
show examples
these
activities
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.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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thinks
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think
show examples
that Spending
tax
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payers’
funds
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on cultural
activities
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is a waste of
money
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and they
suspects
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suspect
show examples
to spend
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spending
show examples
those
funds
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which
is
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are
show examples
related to developing the
country
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and helping
to
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apply
show examples
people
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who need
money
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. We can see that some countries do not have good public transportation
system
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systems
show examples
in the society. So if
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government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
spend those
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tax payers’
Correct your spelling
taxpayers’
show examples
funds
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on these kinds of
things
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will develop the
country
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more and
also
Linking Words
it will help
to
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apply
show examples
the
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country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
people
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too. So it is like killing two birds with
a
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apply
show examples
one stone. Not only that, for
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example,
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government
Add an article
the government
show examples
can spend
those
Change the determiner
that money
show examples
money
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to
Change preposition
on
show examples
poor students who need
education
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an education
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well. In
conclusion
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conclusion,
show examples
I can say that governments can spend
those
Change the determiner
that money
show examples
money
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on cultural
activities
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, but after viewing both sides I can say that my opinion is, spending
tax
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payers’
money
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on education and developing
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country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
is the best thing that
government
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should do.
Submitted by shevonsavidhu14 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherence as ideas jump from one to the other without clear transitions or logical sequencing. Usage of cohesive devices is also minimal or incorrect.
coherence cohesion
You should focus on paragraphing your essay appropriately. Each paragraph should encompass a single main idea and subsequent sentences should elaborate on that idea.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should be clearly distinguished from the body paragraphs, each serving its specific role in the essay structure. The introduction should peer into what will be discussed, while the conclusion should offer a definitive stance or summary.
task achievement
Ensure that the response is complete, both views and your own opinion should be clearly discussed providing relevant details.
task achievement
Ideas presented must be comprehensive and clearly articulated, ensuring appropriate development through explanations, examples, or reasons.
task achievement
Employ specific examples to support your points. The examples given should clearly relate to the view being discussed and be detailed enough to add value to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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